Mayor Sam Adams antagonized someone this week not named John Canzano. As the Oregonian‘s Maxine Bernstein reports, the mayor and Police Chief Mike Reese have let go all the members of a citizen budget advisory panel that criticized the mayor over his budget plans earlier this year. Some members suggest it’s retribution; Adams says he wanted more financial experience. Never mind that that’s what the now-departed group actually had.
Remember how much it rained Tuesday? Apparently the hour from 8 pm to 9 pm was Portland’s wettest hour ever! (And by “Portland,” we mean “Portland International Airport.” And by “ever,” we mean “only since 1953,” when records about useless shit like the wettest hour in our little area were first kept.)
Maybe Florida’s would-be Quran burner is a secret Islamist radical. President Obama, the secret Islamist radical we clearly were all bamboozled into electing, adds his voice to the chorus saying a redneck preacher’s September 11 stunt will be a “recruitment bonanza for Al-Qaeda.” And if this isn’t the face of Christianity, then indignant Americans need to remember that 9/11 isn’t the face of Islam (especially Muslims who might want to build a certain mosque on certain bullshit “hallowed” ground.)
This will be awkward at the 20-year reunion, if they let him out on a day pass. A onetime Texas high school football player, raised amid all the trappings of bland, middle-class American life, moved to Mexico after a pot bust in the 1990s and rose to become a feared, high-ranking enforcer in a Mexican drug cartel. He is the only American citizen known to have hit such heights.
I want this job. Seriously. A volunteer organization in Houston records people reading Playboy—including the pictures: “Behind her shoulder, down past her arm, you can see her breast peeking out”—for the, um, enjoyment of the legally blind.
They like us, and we like them. Maybe. But the Chinese military grows more and more impressive every year, and now its scientists have perfected something that’s positively sci-fi: quantum teleportation. And, no, it doesn’t mean Scott Bakula will be wearing a dress in 1963 anytime soon. Oh boy.
The good news is that new unemployment claims have fallen for the first time in a few months. The bad news is that nearly 4.5 million people are still collecting unemployment checks.
Here’s a strategy America’s gazillionaires should employ. Fearing they’d be cursed if they passed ’em, senators in Romania voted against a law requiring witches and fortune tellers to produce receipts for tax purposes, and a law that would make them liable for incorrect predictions.
Apple has eased some of the byzantine restrictions that hamstring developers of iPhone and iPad apps, and now some suggest Flash could be making an appearance on the devices. Which is surprising, given Steve Jobs’ rather strong feelings about the Adobe program.
He wrote one of the worst songs of the 1990s, in one of the worst years music has known. Yesterday, LFO’s Rich Cronin, 35, died after a long battle with leukemia. In his memory, and because this song actually came up on conversation last week, we present “Summer Girls”:
Just yesterday morning, I was reading the lyrics to Summer Girls to end a discussion of what was worse: The lyrics to “Summer Girls” or “Juggalo Island.”
“Summer Girls” is worse.
(Note: How does my browser spellcheck not know the word “Juggalo” yet?)
GOOD MORNING, DENIS! HOW ARE YOU?
PROTIP: CAPS LOCK OR GTFO!!!
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE! RIP LFO! DID ANYONE HAPPEN TO SEE MY KILLER VERSION OF “SUMMERTIME GIRLS” AT THE MERCURY HOLIDAY PARTY? WASN’T I GREAT???
GOOD MORNING, DENIS Y GRAHAM! I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE INTERLOPERS UNTIL THEY FOLLOW THE RULES!
I’M HONESTLY SAD ABOUT THE LFO GUY. I HOPE HIS MEMORY AND FOUNDATION PROUDLY LIVE ON. LEUKEMIA IS A FUCKED UP THING.
SURE, SUMMER GIRLS IS SIMPLE, BUT ALSO UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS AND KIND OF CATCHY. TO CALL IT ONE OF THE WORST SONGS OF THE 90’S IS MISGUIDED. OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, I CAN THINK OF TWO BANDS STARTING WITH THE LETTERS CREED AND LIMP BIZKIT WHOSE ENTIRE OUTPUT SHOULD OCCUPY AT LEAST 75% OF ANY WORST OF THE 90’S LIST.
Should be interesting to see how Sam’s defenders go about putting lipstick on the pig that is the firing of the citizen board.
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. I REALLY HATED LFO.
GOOD MORNING MERCURY. I WONDER IF YOU GET UP REALLY EARLY IN THE MORNING TO PREPARE ALL THIS, OR IF YOU WORK ON IT THE NIGHT BEFORE.
Wait… the Merc isn’t fawning over Sam Adams and calling his critics tea baggers? By god, the final sentence in the first graph could almost be read as critical.
@WSH: I DO IN FACT REMEMBER YOUR SINGING OF ‘SUMMER GIRLS’ AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY. AS GOOD AS THAT WAS, IT IN NO WAY COMPARED TO YOUR INSPIRED DUET OF ‘WILD WILD WEST’ WITH MATT DAVIS.
@STEVE R: CAPS LOCK OR GTFO!
@CHUCK GARABEDIAN: LAPS COCK OR GTFO!
I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT WSH SINGING LFO AND PORTLAND’S WETTEST HOUR EVER, EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD BE REALLY EASY AND HIGHLY SEXUAL.
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY!
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!
AND A SPECIAL GOOD MORNING TO THE IDIOTS WHO THINK YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT EVERYTHING OR NOTHING SOMEONE DOES, WITH NO MIDDLE GROUND!
IT’S A SHAME THAT GUY IS DEAD BUT SWEET JESUS SUMMER GIRLS WAS THE WORST THING EVER. I WOULD BET IT’S STILL USED AS TERRORIST RECRUITMENT MATERIAL.
@ GRAHAM: LFO OR GTFO!
GOOD MORNING ALL. IS SUMMER GIRLS THE ONE WITH THEM TALKING ABOUT VAPID BITCHES AT ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH? IF SO, THAT SHIT IS AWFUL.
Still waiting for Denis’ “Sam Adams Won’t Say It, So We Will: Maxine Bernstein is Kind of a Cunt” blog posting.
After all, she criticized Adams just like John Canzano did – where is your sense of woman’s lib here?
FYI – Denis, ask Sam’s BFF (WSH) to the “real” reason why their was a vacancy for you to fill. Here is some free career advice – Start being a journalist and stop being a tool.
GOOD MORNING. PRETTY EASY TO SEPARATE THE WHEAT FROM THE CHAFF TODAY, ISN’T IT?
@C WORD
ONLY TEA BAGGERS DON’T USE CAPS LOCK
@C WORD
THE REASON THERE WAS A VACANCY IN THE NEWS ROOM WAS BECAUSE… 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
@C WORD
HERE IS SOME FREE CAREER ADVICE – START USING CAPSLOCK AND STOP BEING A TOOL.
GOOD DAY YOU GUYS MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS BROKEN ON MY COMPUTER BUT I AM SOLDIERING ON WITH THE SHIFT BUTTON. ANYWAY I LIKE THAT SUMMER GIRLS SONG IN A TOTALLY NON IRONIC MANNER.
BLACKHAWK GETTING THE FUCK OUT. UM.
@KIALA,
I’M GLAD YOU SHARE MY OPINION ON THAT LFO SONG. WE ARE ALL ALONE IN THIS REGARD.
I’D NEVER SEEN THAT VIDEO UNTIL TODAY, ODDLY ENOUGH. THOSE ‘SUMMER GIRLS’ GIRLS ARE TOO SKINNY.
fuck caps lock. imma go all bell hooks on your narrow hipster ass.
@STEVE R: IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING YOU’D HAVE WRITTEn, “FUCK CAPS LOCK. IMMA GO bell hooks ON YOUR NARROW HIPSTER ASS.” MS. hooks DOES NOT ESCHEW USING PROPER CASE WHEN SHE IS WRITING.