For Shame: TSA employees at LAX airport are caught being bribed to look the other way when a group of narcotics traffickers pass through their aisle.

Sex, Solved: A surgeon claims he has found the official G-Spot organ. It’s proven debatable.

Fern Gully, Assemble: A potentially detrimental bill passes in Brazil, easing rules on how much land each farmer must preserve as forest.

Together at Last: Dull, Scotland and Boring, Oregon team up to form a largely unexciting friendship.

He’s Human: The celibate Dalai Lama tells Piers Morgan that “Oh, yes” he is tempted by women. Shucks.

Teens do the Darnedest Things: Those hoodlums are now apparently downing hand sanitizer for a buzz. Purell me, bro.

Today in Terrible News: Bombs zero in on two Nigerian newspaper offices, destroying the buildings and killing journalists.

Today in Joyful News: That adorable dog that boarded a TriMet bus without a collar reunites with her owner.

EXTREME: A free-runner “engaged in an extreme sport called Parkour” misses his mark on the Steel Bridge and falls into the Willamette. A fisherman pulls him out.

Finally: The Black Keys “Lonely Boy” cover you’ve been waiting for.

Alex Zielinski is a former News Editor for the Portland Mercury. She's here to tell stories about economic inequities, cops, civil rights, and weird city politics that you should probably be paying attention...

10 replies on “Good Morning News!”

  1. GOOD MORNING, ALEX!!! HOW ARE YOU?!?

    “EXTREME: A free-runner “engaged in an extreme sport called Parkour” misses his mark on the Steele Bridge and falls into the Willamette. A fisherman pulls him out. “

    THERE’S TOO MANY E’S IN THAT SPELLING OF STEEL.

  4. I THOUGHT PARKOUR WAS COOL FOR ABOUT A MONTH WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN. WHICH WAS A WHILE AGO. AND I AM NOT HIP, SO I’M KIND OF AMAZED THIS IS STILL A THING. THANK GOD I NEVER JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.

  6. GOOD MORNING NEWS! FRUIT CUP HERE. I’M CONCERNED THAT NIGERIAN PRINCES MAY HAVE BEEN HARMED IN THE ATTACK, RESULTING IN AN INCREASE IN REQUESTS FOR AID MONIES.

  8. GOOD MORNING! HOW IS EVERYONE? MRS. CAT & BEARD AND I WENT TO THE BALLET LAST NIGHT, IT WAS FANTASTIC. THANK YOU TO TRISH, THE MARKETING DIRECTOR AT OBT, FOR ENABLING US.

  9. I was about to make a crack about pitching a saffron tent but then read that Mr. Lama “loves George W. Bush” and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

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