Because freedom’s just another word, etc., the Republican-led House of Representatives decided it would approve something called the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act—aka CISPA—a law that would dramatically expand law enforcement’s authority and ability to snoop on our online communications. The White House has threatened to veto the thing, that is, if the Senate doesn’t kill it first.

Congress is considering a bill that would keep interest rates on student loans from doubling. Good news? Not exactly. The bill, instead, would gut a $5.9 billion preventative care program approved as part of the president’s health care overhaul in 2010. So let’s make that two veto threats.

It’s not your imagination. The pace of economic growth has diminished over the past few months, fancy government numbers confirm.

Meet one of the world’s most prolific DVD bootleggers: Hyman Strachman, a 92-year-old widower who decided to keep busy after his wife’s death by sending some 4,000 boxes of illegally copied movies to American military personnel at war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

A Dutch judge has a message for marijuana tourists and shoeless American college kids: Stop it.

The man accused of killing Trayvon Martin is allowed to keep, for now, the tens of thousands of dollars the internet gave him to help pay his legal bills.

The CIA doesn’t have to share the 52 images it says it still has of Osama bin Laden’s corpse.

Bomb blasts in the Ukraine—tied to the start of some kind of soccer championship series—kill 27 people.

Syria’s cease-fire remains theoretical. A suicide bomber has killed at least 11 people amid reports from United Nations monitors that government forces are still waving around big guns and doing harm to people.

Here’s a scientific explanation of why squeezing someone’s testicles super hard really can kill them.

The seemingly smug couple mocked for failing to give a foul ball to a toddler, and then blithely posing for pictures with the ball while the kid bellowed and hollered right next to them, insist they had no idea they were even sitting next to a kid, let alone a kid who was hysterically upset, and that they’re not villains. They’re right. And I say the little kid learned a valuable lesson about life: That it’s often terrible.

And now there’s even TV for dogs.

Denis C. Theriault is the Portland Mercury's News Editor. He writes stories about City Hall and the Portland Police Bureau, focusing on issues like homelessness, police oversight, insider politics, and...

10 replies on “Good Morning, News!”

  2. THAT KID IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE AN ENTITLED ASSHOLE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE THANKS TO EVERYBODY FLIPPING THEIR SHIT BECAUSE HE CRIED ABOUT NOT GETTING SOMETHING AND THEN GOT IT ANYWAY. WAY TO GO, AMERICA.

    GOOD MORNING.

  3. I AGREE JONESER, THAT KID IS BULLSHIT. I WENT TO A LOT OF BASEBALL GAMES AS A KID. AND I WANTED A LOT OF BASEBALLS THAT I NEVER GOT. BUT I NEVER CRIED ABOUT IT. THE ANNOUNCER SHOULD FOCUS ON THE GAME, NOT SOCIAL COMMENTARY.

    IN MLS, BALLS ARE JUST THROWN BACK ONTO THE PITCH. THIS IS ANOTHER REASON WHY BASEBALL IS HORRIBLE.

  4. AIR BUDDIES IS A GREAT MOVIE, NOT AS GOOD AS SPACE BUDDIES, THOUGH.

    GOOD MORNING! LAST NIGHT I WATCHED KIALA EAT & TWEET HER FRIES IN REAL TIME. MADE ME FEEL CREEPY. I WAS POINTING OUT VARIOUS BLOGTOWN PEEPS I HAVE NEVER MET TO MY WIFE AND SHE WAS LIKE “WHAT IS THIS CRAZY SECRET LIFE YOU LEAD”.

  5. THAT’S FUNNY C&B! I WAS READING THOSE FRIES TWEETS. BUT I PREFER KIALA’S WHISKEY TWEETS, THEY SEEM MORE GENUINE. AND I’VE BEEN DRY FOR 3 DAYS, SO LIKE, WHISKEY WITHDRAWAL!

    WE SHOULD HAVE ANOTHER BLOGTOWN MEET-UP AND YOU SHOULD COME. YOU’RE DEFINITELY ON MY “COMMENTERS TO MEET IN 2012” LIST. BECAUSE, LIKE, I HAVE THAT LIST… LYING AROUND.

  6. HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE! WE SHOULD DEFINITELY HAVE A MEETUP SOON, SEEING AS I STILL HAVEN’T MADE IT TO ONE.

  7. GOOD MORNING, DENIS! HOW ARE YOU?!?

    I WISH I HAD BEEN ABLE TO GO TO COMICS UNDERGROUND!! WHY CAN’T MORE EVENTS BE SCHEDULED AROUND MY RIDICULOUSLY BUSY SCHEDULE? I’M AVAILABLE ON SATURDAYS AND TUESDAYS. NO OTHER DAYS.

    ALSO, I WISH I’D GOTTEN THE CHANCE TO MEET C&B. I’M DEMANDING ANOTHER /B/TOWN MEETUP THAT WILL BE SCHEDULED ON A TUESDYA OR A SATURDAY (WEDNESDAYS ARE SORT OF OKAY, BUT NOT PREFERABLE).

    SO WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK OF THAT NEW BADSTEED CLOWN-FACE ASSHOLE? GOOD TROLL OR IDIOTIC O-LIVE FLOTSOM?

  8. @GRAHAM, HE FILLS A MUCH NEEDED NICHE. I THINK THIS SUMS UP MY FEELINGS:

    Bad Horse
    Bad Horse
    Bad Horse
    Bad Horse

    He rides across the nation
    The thoroughbred of sin
    He got the application
    You just sent in

    It needs evaluation
    So let the games begin
    A heinous crime, a show of force
    A murder would be nice of course

    Bad Horse
    Bad Horse
    Bad Horse
    He’s Bad

    The Evil League of Evil
    Is watching so beware
    The grade that you receive
    Will be your last we swear

    So make the Bad Horse gleeful
    Or he’ll make you his mare….

    You’re saddled up
    There’s no recourse
    It’s Hi-Ho Silver
    Signed Bad Horse

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