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The Cost of a 22 Pound Turkey: Up only a smidge this year, according to America’s number crunchers, to $77.

Turkey Trash: Try to keep some of the leftovers, eh? We throw away five million pounds of food waste during Thanksgiving.

NO FUN REPORT: Parades are Wasteful. Environmentalists note that the country is reaching the end of its helium reserve, so maybe we should stop wasting it on giant parade balloons.

Also No Fun: Workers for big box stores have to work crazy long hours on Thanksgiving… hello strike!

Meanwhile, Where it’s Not Thanksgiving: Israel and Hamas have a ceasefire. Hold your breath, it might fall apart.

Syrian Government Bombs Near a Hospital: Dozens are killed in Aleppo as planes bomb civilian spaces.

In the Twinkie Mines: Hostess workers say they would rather lose their jobs than suffer more pay cuts.

Jail Bail Out: The staff and inmates at Rikers Island prison in New York have been pitching in laundry services, electricity, and long underwear to Hurricane Sandy relief.

We Will, We Will, Track You. A student in Texas is suspended for refusing to wear an RFID tracker, as required by her school.

Wait a Second Here… the military gives out medals for party-hosting?

Facebook Continues its World Domination: The Facemaster is changing its policies to end the right to vote on proposed changes to its system.

Wondering What to Get Your Kid on Black Friday? They’ll be thankful for a fantastic cardboard box.

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

5 replies on “Good Morning News!”

  2. “Jail Bail Out: The staff and inmates at Rikers Island prison in New York have been suspended for refusing to wear an RFID tracker, as required by her school.”

    Nowhere in that article is anything about RFIDS discussed. Instead it’s all about how Rikers Island prisoners were used as slave labor to clean the laundry of Upper-West-Siders.

  4. Also: “her” school doesn’t make any sense in the context of that quote, but happy Thanksgiving and everything, would you people please fucking hire some editors?

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