1.AL QAEDA!!! The New York Times carries an extensively researched double page news feature about the terrorist group’s renewed strength in Algeria, the gist of which seems to be: Watch out for the guy fourth from left. 
TERRORISTS: STUDYING THE MERCURY’S PORK ISSUE…
2.GO HANG!!! Mugabe’s Zimbabwe regime is typically equivocal towards its critics.
3.NO TOBACCO IN YOUR SPLIFFS!!! Dutch coffee shop owners hit back at “ridiculous” new law. At least, they think about hitting back. Then, they sort of…lose motivation.
4.LEDGE-ENDARY!!! Dead Heath’s joker scores ace reviews in new Batman flick.
5.FEMINISM, THE BACKLASH!!! Kira Cochrane asks: “Why is the Media obsessed with out-of-control women?” Also, why is the media obsessed with news?
Good day.
The Oregonian already beat you to the punch. They even put in print today. Or is that where you noticed this story, in the first place?
LOL!
No, no, I go out and gather all the stories for Good Morning News personally. There’s a lot of shoe leather gets worn out for this blog post, my friend.
Hey, Matt! If you’re finished covering that story in Zimbabwe, I need you back at the office. Thanks!
Sorry boss, no can do. They’re beating me up over here…they’re threatening to chop off my head…
Oh. They’ve let me go, now. Back in a jiffy.