Hurricane Dolly unleashes a one-two punch on the U.S. Mexican border. (Has anyone made the joke yet about the hurricane visiting Dollywood? Yes? Hmm… moving on…)
The Olympics Committee will not allow Iraq to compete in this years games — probably because we’ve bombed all their best athletes.
Public schools are considering switching to a four-day school week to curb fuel costs, and subsequently, any extraneous learning.
Rapper 50 Cent is angry because Taco Bell allegedly “stole his endorsement.” So Fiddy’s been shot nine times, and he’s making a big deal out of this?
In Portland, 53 bicyclists get “friendly warnings” instead of tickets after running stop sign, which is certainly more effective than the cops’ previous method, “friendly taserings.”
Portland’s own Leanne Marshall got into a spot of trouble last night on Project Runway! Check Marjorie Skinner’s “Runway Wrap Up” later today! (But I’m telling you people, it’s all because Leanne cut the black model. First rule of reality television, Leanne, “never choose the bitch over the black girl.”)
Hey… we’ve all done it. At one time or another, we’ve all confused Barack Obama with Osama bin Laden. Happily, Jon Stewart is here to lay out the major differences between the two.
Is a friendly tasering worse or better than the $250 ticket you get in a car for a “Hollywood stop”?
Oh, I say, chappie. Nicely done, nicely done, indeed. “Friendly taserings”, “Dollywood”.
Quite right. A dramatic improvement over past postings, though I must warn you, we are still expecting full re-imbursement on the bad checque before we will consider your entry this year.
Next!
Friendly Taserings was good, but Dollywood’s in Tennessee. . .
Hey! I need to bring this up if no one else has.
We’re two days into a madness that has swept the internet and needs to be stopped. Every webpage I go to is sponsored by “Jessica Simpson looking really cold in her wet white t-shirt (its hot!)” and it wont SHUT THE FUCK UP! Myspace, Pitchfork, LocalCut, Blogtown -even the website for my hometown newspaper The East Oregonian! every two fucking seconds my computer is whistling at me and saying “its hot!” coaxing me to look at webcams with babes making out. And no matter how loud I have my music, that creepy fucking voice tops it and sends chills down my spine.
Now, I work in a pretty chill place where I don’t normally need to worry about Blogtown embarrassing me in front of my co-workers (except when there is a Lile Boutique ad involved) but this is just silly!
WHO ARE THESE “LM NETWORKS” PEOPLE!?
…and how can we fire-bomb their offices!?
Of course, if I clicked on the ad I might be able to find out but wouldn’t that kind of make me the lowest common denominator?
Mercury- How much are they paying you to keep quiet!?
I was violated by 50 cent once.