Good Morning, News!

Money for Guns. Days after Saudi Arabia purchased an ass load of guns for Syrian rebels, the US is also stepping up its support by pledging $60 million to the rebel fighters.

You’ve Got a Friend in Me. Now on the third day of his trip into North Korea, former NBA player Denis Rodman tells North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, “You have a friend for life.”

Our Sloooooowww Economy. According to the most recent stats, our economy barely grew in the last quarter of 2012. And by “barely” we mean by 0.1 percent. But, hey, as the New York Times points out, “at least the economy did not shrink.”

As you snuggle up in that itchy quilt of cold comfort just remember the Sequester is Coming Tomorrow!

Lies, Damn Lies, and Sequesters. But will it really be that bad? A fact checker says, maybe not.

Weed Goes Ballistic. In a surprising development in both the war on drugs and the gun control debate, Mexican drug traffickers might have found a use for guns that liberals might actually approve of. Okay, it’s not a gun. It’s a cannon, BUT IT SHOOTS WEED!

Pope’s Last Day. Pope Benedict is in the midst of his last day on speed dial with the All Mighty. (Think he’s going to walk off with any cool office supplies?)

Speaking of hearing voices…

Vulcan Calling. What do you get when you mix a handful of scientists, two lab rats, some electronic sensors, and an Internet connection? A rodent “mind meld,” as if you had to ask.

Closer to home…

Airport Arrest. Portland police have arrested a man at an airport motel following a three-hour stand off.

Locked Out Longshoremen. Yesterday, United Grain Corp. locked out dock workers in Vancouver following an allegation that a worker sabotaged the company’s operations. The longshoremen are now picketing. Replacement workers are expected to cross their line sometime today.

And Married to Mars. A nonprofit wants to send a man and woman to Mars. The ideal candidates will be familiar with one another and will be able to withstand being stuck together in a small hopeless space for months on end. Naturally, they want a married couple.

Here are some more details of this “really long road trip.”