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Providence Park gears up for tomorrows historic MLS Cup—become an instant expert with our handy-dandy guide!
Providence Park gears up for tomorrow’s historic MLS Cup—become an instant expert with our handy-dandy guide! Portland Timbers FC

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I’ve been walking in the rain just to get wet on purpose. I’ve been forcing myself not to forget, just to feel worse. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Following in the footsteps of the FDA and CDC, Oregon health officials are recommending Pfizer booster shots for teens aged 16 and 17, six months after their second shot. Moderna and Johnson & Johnson boosters have not yet been recommended for this age group. Our Isabella Garcia has more!

• The president of OHSU has issued a formal apology after an investigative report revealed that institution leaders have failed to properly look into or correct misconduct (including sexual harassment) by faculty and students.

• Far-right extremist and Proud Boy Alan Swinney is set to appear in court today to be sentenced after being found guilty of 11 charges involving his violent behavior during multiple protests in August of 2020. It’s also been reported that while in custody he expressed sympathy for murderous cop Derek Chauvin, and claimed both would be broken out of jail during the coming “civil war.” Good luck with that one, dim bulb!

• Become 98% smarter about this weekend’s MLS Cup with Abe Asher’s guide to the Timbers vs NYCFC matchup, including team info, tactics, predictions, where to watch, and sooo much more! Casual soccer fans will love this one!

• It appears like a conservative attempt to recall progressive Seattle councilperson Kshama Sawant has failed, though by a very narrow margin. Find out more from our sister-pals at The Stranger.

• Kickstart your brain with the very fun POP QUIZ PDX, this week featuring a sporty theme with sassy Qs about the Timbers, Blazers, Portland sports history, AND a subjective question about the BEST non-sport sport! (Could it be “shin kicking”?)

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• BAD NEWS/SOMEWHAT GOOD NEWS: The Supreme Court has ruled that the draconian Texas anti-abortion law can remain in effect saying lower courts should decide the matter, HOWEVER! They also gave the go-ahead for providers or anyone to sue the shit out of evil Texas state officials who enforce the law.

• Inflation has risen 6.8 percent in the past year, the largest leap since 1982, largely due to the pandemic—but that’s not how the lying Republicans will spin it, will they?

• An appeals court has ruled that Trump’s White House records can be released to the congressional panel investigating the January 6 domestic terrorist attack on the nation’s capitol. Naturally, he will make a last ditch effort to hide his crimes by appealing to… who else? The Trump Supreme Court.

• Even more court news: A British court has given the go-ahead for the United States to extradite Wikileaks founder Julian Assange over spying charges after his website leaked secret military documents a decade ago.

• RIP former NFL star Demaryius Thomas who has died at the age of 33, possibly due to a medical issue, according to authorities.

• Today in “Welp!”: “Anti-Vax Republican Who Denied Michigan Election Certification Dies of COVID.”

• You want to find the perfect gift while also supporting local businesses, yes? YES! Then don’t miss the Mercury‘s Holiday Gift Guide, featuring only the coolest gifts and where to find them… locally!

• And now… THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect light showers today with a high of 46.

• And finally, you’re ALREADY having a tough day at work? Well, finally, here’s someone who REALLY UNDERSTANDS YOUR PAIN.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)