Let the playa-hate begin! Critics are criticizing Obama for choosing too many people with ties to the Clinton administration.

Wait… and the number two guy in Al-Qaeda is hating on Obama, too? AND tossing around racial epithets? Oh, HELL No!

Bill Clinton has apparently decided to stop being a big baby and play ball in order to get Hillary the Secretary of State seat.

In his final days in office, President Bush is scrambling to fuck up as much shit as possible before he leaves.

Convicted Alaskan felon (and Republican) Ted Stevens has LOST his race for the Senate seat. Only two more Democrats needed for a filibuster-proof majority!

Auto executives are on Capitol Hill today to beg for $25 million in aid to help them make some more totally awesome 4×4 Ford Tundras.

Suri Cruise (toddler of Tom and Katie) has topped the list of “Hottest Tots” by the APA (American Pedophile Association).

And finally… Meg Ryan’s breasts. O, how the mighty have fallen.

Meg_Ryan.jpg

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

8 replies on “Good Morning, News!”

  1. Those fuckwits in Detroit want $25 BILLION to manufacture more hybrid SUV’s. $25 million would only cover the higher-echelon bonuses–based on fiscal performance, of course.

  2. If you can’t build a product people want to buy, why would the Feds help you stay in business? Hell, I could build a piece of crap too, then ask for a bail-out when nobody buys it!!

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