City hall spewed forth epic endings to three of its most
controversial stories this week, like a bulimic freshman after
consuming an entire cheesecake, a bottle of soda, and an extra large
bag of chips.
First came the collapse of the Lents baseball deal.
Hplerghhh! Merritt Paulson said he couldn’t force the deal
through without the support of the Lents neighbors, then City
Commissioner Randy Leonard said he couldn’t support Major
League Soccer any longer without Paulson’s sincere effort to make
baseball work in Lents. (I’d originally planned to devote this entire
column to outlining a series of buddy movies for Paulson and Leonard to
appear in, should they choose to try earning money from their obvious
skill as entertainers: Lethal Public Engagement Strategy; Brokeback
Mount Tabor; Dude, Where’s My Stadium? You get the idea. But
luckily another purge came along….)
Hplooooogohhhhhh! On Monday, June 22, Attorney General John
Kroger released the findings of his investigation into Mayor Sam
Adams’ affair with former legislative intern Beau Breedlove.
Kroger appears to have cleared Adams of any criminal wrongdoing, but
I’m feeling somewhat less satisfied by the outcome of Kroger’s report
than Adams is at this point. Yes, the mayor is cleared of proven
criminality, but have we really reached a point where that’s the
qualification threshold to be mayor? Can I ever trust a mayor who is
ready to permanently “loan” $750 to a hot teenager he’s had sex
with, at the same time as asking the young man to lie for him about the
sex? Meh. I’d need a moment to catch my breath and think straight
before answering that question, but wait… oh… God… uh….
SCHKLUUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!! Council planned its formal hearing on the
renaming of 39th Avenue after César E. Chávez on
Tuesday night, June 23—which happens to be the Mercury‘s
press day. The Save 39th committee had already raised the immigration
status of signatories to the rename petition as a subject for debate,
so I could only imagine the kind of barely disguised bigotry that awaited during the evening’s public comment period as I typed this
column. It was enough to make me want to….
Puke isn’t pretty. But I’m relieved that the majority of these
stories have been purged, because aspects of each have depressed the
crap out of us. Now, with a clean system, perhaps we’ll be able to
adopt the spirit of the moment and “move on.” Let’s just hope there’s
more appetizing news around the corner.