If you love to read, and want to know how and why we made our choices for the 2016 May election, then check out our Mercury Endorsement Issue here! But if you’ve got absolutely no time on your hands, and you just want to get the job done, here is your handy-dandy Mercury Voters Cheat Sheet with our opinions for all the main races. YOU ARE WELCOME, and happy voting!

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)