The Boy Scouts finally realized how gay those brown little suits are and lifted its ban on openly gay members. Any new or current Boy Scout can not be discriminated against based on sexual preference. However, the Scouts’ policy only applies to youth; they still won’t hire openly gay leaders, and gay scouts may be forced to leave upon turning 18. “This will work really well, because everybody stops being gay at 18, anyway,” said no one, ever.
The Army got more bad rep this week after Sergeant Michael McClendon was reported to have been secretly videotaping female cadets undressing or in the shower without their consent. McClendon is a sergeant at West Point; said to be one of the more respectful and progressive military academies, with a growing rate of female army members in combat positions. McClendon’s job required him to “assist each cadet in balancing and integrating the requirements of physical, military, academic and moral-ethical programs.” No one was aware, however, that McClendon had gotten his moral-ethical training from watching old episodes of Blind Date.
In young, slim, and sexy news, comments that Abercrombie and Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries made in 2006 recently resurfaced, subsequently plummeting the company’s sales by 17%. In his interview with Salon, Abercrombie CEO and melting mound of Play-Doh Mike Jeffries said, “We want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong.” He then added, “Are we exclusionary? Absolutely,” while injecting his face with a proprietary blend of Red Bull and his own ass fat.
BusinessWeek columnist Liz Ryan recently conducted a sex survey, publishing a column titled “The Truth about Sex at Work.” According to this BusinessInsider survey, about 51% of 2,500 workers asked said “yes” to having had sex with a colleague. 48% of those that had had sex with a colleague had done so in the office. “What do you mean?” said Tammy in accounting, with a hand full of cock.
In nip slip news, Mariah Carey’s Donatella Versace dress spontaneously busted open on live television, and nobody was surprised. Carey started uttering profanities, holding it in place while tech people hastily safety-pinned her back together. Said the Turkish ten-year-old that made her dress, “Geez Louise—I must have gone over that inseam a hundred times!”
The future of sex is “coming” quickly, and it’s lubricated and plastic. Female sex robots are the future of prostitution, and already under development, according to a couple of researchers from New Zealand. In the journal Futures, sexologist Michelle Mars described in detail what the year 2050 will look like for prostitution. Mars describes a club in Amsterdam, with a going rate of $10,000 euros, filled with lifelike sex toy robots, made of anti-bacterial fibers that would resist infection and the spread of STDs. These dolls would also resist the spread of real relationships, social skills, and the need to bathe.
And I for one welcome our new female sex robot prostitute overlords…
Of course you do. Even though it’s the distant future, now at least there’s a chance that something will someday have sex with you.