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House panel approves articles of impeachment while House Republicans cry like babies.
House panel approves articles of impeachment while House Republicans cry like babies. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! In our own little world, the music is the sun, the dance floor becomes the sea. Feels like true paradise to me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Articles of impeachment addressing the crimes of Donald Trump have been approved by the House Judiciary Committee (as expected), but not without 14-plus hours of screaming, crying, and malicious shenanigans from Trump's corrupt Republican toadies. Impeachment goes to a vote in the House next week.


One of the most disgusting displays of fealty to Trump in this hearing came from Republican toady Matt Gaetz, a DUI recipient who hypocritically brought up Hunter Biden's drug and alcohol problems.

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to drop a truth bomb about the GOP: “For some of our members who are defending the Constitution, it is their finest hour, but for others who are willfully blinding themselves to this president’s misconduct, it is the most shameful hour.”

Meanwhile Trump had a Twitter freakout as the hearing took place, blasting out more than 100 tweets and retweets (all of which demonstrated his bottomless insecurity and fear of being impeached).

It was a big, resounding victory for Britain's conservative party which overwhelmingly won their latest election, giving Prime Minister Boris Johnson the mandate he needs to pull the country from the European Union (AKA Brexit).

Trump's massive inferiority complex is succinctly summed up in this headline: "Trump mocks 16-year-old Greta Thunberg a day after she is named Time’s Person of the Year."

More GOP malicious corruption: Recently departed Kentucky Republican governor Matt Bevin was apparently intent on burning shit down in his state before leaving office, as he pardoned hundreds of prisoners including violent criminals and a child rapist.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez read the riot act to Fox News' Tucker Carlson, rightly calling him a "white supremacist sympathizer."

It's little wonder that Fox News faces multiple lawsuits for sexual harassment when you read headlines like this: "Fox News host unjustifiably claims that female reporters sleep with sources ‘all the time.’"

In the most accurate headline of the day: "Thousands of 'penis fish' appear on California beach." Huh. They really do look like penises.

IN LOCAL NEWS: My fans on Facebook got mad at me yesterday for correctly reminding them that In-N-Out burger (like the one that just opened in Keizer, Oregon) donated big bucks to Trump's GOP. Oh well!

Local author Cheryl Strayed (Wild) says she was injured in a hit and run incident where a car plowed into her from behind and then sped off. She's gonna be okay, phew!

In local union news:

In perhaps the most important local food news of the decade: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson buys shares of Portland's Salt & Straw ice cream company.

Now let's look at this WEEKEND WEATHER: Thank god, fewer showers this weekend with highs in the mid-to-upper 40s.

And finally, HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Happy Friday the 13th