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Navy SEALs speak out against their freaking evil platoon leader.
Navy SEALs speak out against their "freaking evil" platoon leader. StockTrek Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I've been everywhere, man. Looking for someone. Someone who can please me, love me all night long. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Navy SEALs who turned in their platoon chief for heinous war crimes (the same one that was pardoned by Trump) are seen being visibly angry and in anguish while providing testimony for investigators in video obtained by the New York Times.

A former Catholic cardinal reportedly gave upward of $600,000 to clerics (as well as two popes) in an apparent bid to cover up his sexual assault crimes.

In a developing story, various agencies are racing to an explosion at an aviation manufacturing plant in Wichita, Kansas.

One of the country's largest school systems is allowing students one excused absence per year for "civic engagement" such as protesting—and of course the right wing snowflakes are having a hissy fit about it, because they hate America.

In a related headline, because now the media has to print stuff like this: "No, Justin Trudeau didn't get Trump edited out of 'Home Alone 2'."

Trump is allegedly already searching for a replacement for Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and is reportedly interested in national security adviser Robert O’Brien.

The FBI is taking a hard look at British socialite Ghislaine Maxwell (as well as others) whom they suspect helped Jeffrey Epstein, who killed himself while on charges of sex trafficking.

Jerry Herman, the Broadway composer of such hits as Hello Dolly!, Mame, and La Cage aux Folles, has died at the age of 88.

IN LOCAL NEWS: A 15-year-old missing girl from Portland who was being groomed for sex trafficking has been found after police stopped a stolen car in Bend.

Reminder: Starting January 1, the Idaho stop—in which cyclists can slowly roll through intersections without stopping—will be legal in Oregon.

A Christmas tree in Portland's Mill Ends Park—the smallest park in the nation—has been unceremoniously and mysteriously chopped down for no apparent reason and I... AM... FURIOUS.

Now let's gaze at the WEATHER: A mostly dry day with a high of 45.

And finally, here's the biggest Christmas OOPS of the year.