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Retail sales tumbled in March—marking the worst fall in three decades... and it could get worse.
Retail sales tumbled in March—marking the worst fall in three decades... and it could get worse. Gwengoat / iStock / Getty Images Plus

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Can't you see my love shines through the dark? Can't you see that you must be a part of that beat in my heart? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Gov. Kate Brown held a press conference yesterday to announce the framework for "reopening" Oregon, but noted that was not going to happen until the state has the capacity to test at least 15,000 people for COVID-19 per week. Get many more details from the press conference from our Blair Stenvick.

In Gov. Brown's press conference, she was asked if she had any plan to allow early release for inmates who are stuck in prisons that are breeding grounds for the virus. She said, "no." This obviously alarmed prisoners who spoke to our Alex Zielinski about their fears of being abandoned.

Oregon's number of confirmed coronavirus cases (that we know of) grew by 49 cases yesterday to 1,633. The death count was increased by two, making for a total of 55.

More than half of these Oregon deaths are linked to senior care homes, according to new state data—including a cluster of homes in Southeast Portland.

Non-union Portland city employees are being told to take 10 days of unpaid leave in response to the economic downfall caused by the coronavirus. Pay raises will also be frozen, and Mayor Wheeler is taking a salary cut for the rest of the year.

A bar in Southern Oregon openly defied the governor's order to close, and has lost their liquor license for their trouble.


In yet another desperate attempt to push the blame of America's coronavirus crisis away from himself, Trump says he will stop funding for the World Health Organization, blaming them for ignoring the spread of the disease. NOPE, NOT GONNA WORK.

This monumentally stupid decision could not have come at a worse time as positive COVID-19 cases have passed 2 million globally, and have killed more than 26,000 in the US alone.

Meanwhile the director of the CDC had nothing but praise for the World Health Organization, whose continued funding will certainly keep thousands alive.

A day after Trump declared "absolute authority" over when the country would reopen...

The CDC and FEMA are following in the footsteps of the Western Pact, and are coming up with a plan to "open the country up again" and slowly pull back on social distancing measures—though the Trump administration is reportedly getting involved, which means... what? CORRECT. It cannot be trusted.

Retail sales in March were... NOT GOOD. In fact the catastrophic dip in sales for most retailers (excluding grocery stores and pharmacies of course) was the worst seen in decades, and there's almost certainly more bad news to come.

Related: One of the federal government's small loan programs—which would provide low-interest $10,000 loans to small businesses—has "all but collapsed" due to an overwhelming backlog of applications.

Those $1,200 stimulus checks are going to start arriving in the mail today, on which you'll see Donald Trump's signature. As you've probably guessed, there's absolutely no reason for this, other than for the president to take false credit. (Is it possible for one's eyes to roll out of one's head?)

Despite the GOP's corrupt attempts to steal the Wisconsin election, the liberal state supreme court judge candidate won anyway HA-HA-HA. Here's how it went down and what that means for the election in November.

Former presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has endorsed Joe Biden as the Democrats' choice for nominee, along with Bernie Sanders and Barack Obama in the past couple of days.

Apple is releasing a smaller, more stripped down, and less expensive iPhone... which is how we know that things have gotten REALLY bad?

Need a laugh? Get your tickets PRONTO for the live stream edition of the I, Anonymous show on April 24! Check out the details and the KILLER lineup of comedians here!

And if you're looking for a fun AND FASHIONABLE way to support the Mercury, how about buying a Mercury "TP" T-shirt?

Now let's cast our eyes skyward at the WEATHER: Perhaps a few sprinkles this morning with a high of 62, but GOOD GOD—two fantastic days lie ahead!

And finally, I've never related to anything as much as I do this video.