Protest! A group calling itself Badass Teachers plans to rail today against the corporatizing of education shown by testing models like the Common Core. The problem? They’re targeting a conference that has long railed against the same thing. The problem with that? The biggest player in standardized testing recently purchased that conference, too. That company, Pearson, cheerfully compares its practices to McDonald’s.

The Oregon legislature has about a week-and-a-half to wrap up its work. Still no agreement on a higher gas tax to pay for road projects, though legislators are meeting on weekends to get something hammered out.

The headline “PPB:’Gentle giant’ raped woman in condo” is not very good. It’s the alleged perpetrator of a heinous Southwest Portland attack calling himself a “gentle giant.” Not the cops.

It looks, after all this time, like last week’s hate-driven murders in Charleston may be enough to get the Confederate flag removed from the South Carolina capitol building. The state’s governor, Nikki Haley, is calling for it, and there’s support from both parties. Do it.

And damn it, Wal-Mart. You’re still selling Confederate flag-themed items? Cut it out. (Wal-Mart says it plans to cut it out.)

Oh, and remember how Mississippi’s flag incorporates the Confederate design? There are pushes in Oregon to do away with displays of stately comity toward the Magnolia State—at least as flag waving goes.

Greece is on the precipice of a perilous debt cliff again, imperiling the European economy while it’s at it. Greece loves this sort of thing.

I did a whole cost-benefit analysis that wound up heavily favoring costs, and I’m still going to write: Diddy or didn’t he hit some guy with a kettlebell? I refuse to look at the full spectrum of headlines for this Diddy assault story to see how many hackneyed tweaks on this terrible pun are out there.

Same basic deal for this story about a high-ranking Army general getting busted for awarding lucrative contracts to old friends and being: Hoisted by his own Pittard!!! (The guy’s name is Dana J H Pittard. Don’t bother telling me how about all the petard jokes you’ve already seen. It is irrelevant.)

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Let’s all vow to give today at least as much effort as Shane Lee did here.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=lV6vYQsVVB8

I'm a news reporter for the Mercury. I've spent a lot of the last decade in journalism — covering tragedy and chicanery in the hills of southwest Missouri, politics in Washington, D.C., and other matters...

2 replies on “Good Morning, News: Angry Teachers, Despised Confederate Iconography, and the Finest Puns You’ll See Today”

  1. Why does it seem only lazy students and teachers afraid of testing results seem to be against any sort of standardized testing?
    Look assholes, when you can at least put our students on par with the rest of the nation, perhaps I might listen to your argument.
    Oh wait, you likely are taking yet another ‘sick day’.

  2. Re the gas tax thing. Oregon needs to change the licensing fee system for vehicles. Do like Washington does, and base the cost on the value of the vehicle. Why should anyone who can afford to drive a $50,000 vehicle (for example) pay the same amount as someone who has a $1000 clunker. And make the fees payable yearly. Oregons’ vehicle license system is a joke.

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