GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I’ve got to make a play to make my lover stay. So what would an angel say, the devil wants to know. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Our Blazers lost a heartbreaker of a game last night in game two of the Western Conference finals, forfeiting a 10 point lead to the Golden State Warriors in the fourth quarter to lose 110-99. But it’s only the second game, right? Check out our recap here!

Avril Lavigne is arrested for not registering as a sex offender! (Wait… not that Avril Lavigne… this Avril Lavigne.)

A transphobic preacher loudly shouting about who is and who isn’t allowed to use bathrooms at the Cascade Station Target is jeered and tossed out on his transphobic ass. HA. HA. HA.

A massive homeless sweep went down at the Springwater Corridor near 82nd Ave yesterday, and since they have nowhere to go, no one is really happy about it.

Donald Trump won the Indiana GOP primary last night, giving him a clear path to the Republican nomination. Meanwhile, Ted Cruz dropped out of the running, and to celebrate, elbowed his wife in the face.

Looks like Kasich has dropped out, too—no word yet on whether or not he plans to elbow someone in the face.

And in a surprise upset, Bernie Sanders took Indiana as well, making Hillary Clinton’s jaw drop like this.

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Okay, I’m just going to leave this here:

The California-based husband and wife founders of celebrity-endorsed vegan restaurant group Cafe Gratitude say they have received death threats after it was revealed last week that they are raising, slaughtering and eating animals on their farm north of San Francisco.

A Navy SEAL killed in Iraq on Tuesday has been identified as Charlie Keating IV, who also just happens to be the grandson of Charles H. Keating Jr., the disgraced financier who served time in prison over a 1980s savings and loan scandal.

If true, this is GREAT news: President Obama is preparing to create a national monument to celebrate the contributions made by the LGBT community. WHAAAAAAAT? YES!

Another reason not to go to school in Tennessee: Legislators have passed a law allowing students to carry guns on campus at public colleges and universities.

Unrelated, but completely related: “Gun owner trying to break up dispute fatally shot in Texas parking lot.”

According to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, the team assisting Prince called an opioid addiction specialist the day before he died reporting a “grave medical emergency.”

Now let’s check out the WEATHER situation: Cool and showery today, but the heat returns starting tomorrow.

And finally, let’s watch Ted Cruz elbow his wife in the face again.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)