Good Morning, News, Freaky Friday Edition: Tornados In Oregon! Oregonians Naked In Kansas! Chaos!

Welcome to a very special day-after-the-Mercury-holiday-party Good Morning, News, y’all. I feel terrible. So let’s get going!

.@NWSPortland now confirms that a tornado did touch down earlier today causing damage in Battle Ground, WA. pic.twitter.com/PFurISlLMl
— KOMO News (@komonews) December 11, 2015

I’ve lived in Portland for six years now. No badge of honor there, but it’s long enough to be gobsmacked at the fact there was a tornado just up I-5 yesterday. This is a thing here? I do not think that it is.

Back in 2012, Portland police got a report a Hispanic man was rifling through people’s mail in East Portland. They stopped and handcuffed a black woman, didn’t find any stolen mail on her, and still to this day claim she was the Hispanic male they were looking for. So, yeah, that’s a lawsuit.

Where did this story come from? Why was it written? Why can’t I stop reading it? A guy from Oregon was naked in a Kansas wheat field and Kansans didn’t think he should be naked. That’s the entire story. What’s happening?

Portland State University students are mad for a whole bunch of reasons—racial relations on campus, a racist Facebook page, and armed campus police among them. So they shut down the school’s quarterly board of trustees meeting last night.

Here’s an interesting story about how American police are going to Scotland to learn that you don’t always have to shoot people.

Investigators looking into last week’s terrorist attack in San Bernardino are searching a lake, thinking that maybe the attackers left something in that lake. [Insert joke here about CNN doing a live scuba shot examining sediment and rocks on the bottom of the lake. Actually, don’t insert that joke. It’s terrible.]

Oh great! Billy Graham’s son agrees the US should ban Muslims. Good to know, Billy Graham’s son. And thanks Washington Post for making sure everyone knew Billy Graham’s son’s very important stance on Muslims.

Students at The Citadel, that military school in South Carolina, dressed up like Klan members and sang carols. It was a very bad idea, and they’re suspended.

What’s going on with that climate deal being negotiated in Paris? A lot! And the latest draft suggests we might have some significant progress to show for the meeting.

Did you think that it was going to stop raining? You were wrong.

What did I sing for karaoke at our office’s holiday party last night, you ask? WRONG QUESTION. What’s more important is what I didn’t get to sing: The best Christmas song of all time, which the KJ didn’t have. So let’s do it together this hungover morning, Karaoke Friday style.