Good Morning, News: Gresham Tree Murderers, and Donald Trump and Chris Brown Compete to See Who is the WORST

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I’ll make ya bump bump wiggle and shake your rump, ’cause I’ll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Metro has filed a lawsuit against a Gresham couple who chopped down 44 trees on protected public land near their house in order to improve the view. BAD FORM, GRESHAM COUPLE!

Speaking of cutting down trees, the city considers charging developers a fee for mowing down trees on properties. In response, developers say, “Fine, whatever, we’ll just pass those fees onto the buyer, because we do not give a single fuck about this city.”

Thanks, Oregonian, for this blatant advertorial about the new (and homophobic) Chik-fil-A that’s opening today in Hillsboro.

Portland Community College is preparing to kick off their month-long symposium on racism and social justice they’re calling “Whiteness History Month.” The kind of people who are upset about this are just the type of people you’d think.

More “Y’all Qaeda” drama: A federal judge agreed to lift occupier Shawna Cox’ house arrest, but warned her against speaking in public or on social media, because (surprise!) she’s been encouraging people to break the law.

In probably what will turn out to be many such examples, Donald Trump is going back on his word to support whatever nominee the GOP chooses, because WAH, WAH, THEY WERE MEAN TO MEEEE!!!

Big baby Donald Trump is once again blaming the victim, openly mocking the former Breitbart reporter who was allegedly assaulted by his campaign manager.

And from Gawker: “Anderson Cooper Quite Accurately Tells Donald Trump He’s Acting Like a Five-Year-Old”

Speaking of terrible people…

The FDA has approved new (and more accuarate) labeling for an abortion drug, which was previously used by abortion foes to curb women’s rights.

An American Airlines pilot is caught climbing into the cockpit with a blood-alcohol level that was twice the legal limit.

Here’s a story about a fish ‘n’ chips restaurant in Utah, where the waitstaff wear kilts and carry guns. Fine, but can they also hop on a ball and clap like seals?

Now let’s look outside at the WEATHER: Sun, sun, sun for the next three days with highs in the low ’70s!

And finally, if you’re still having trouble deciding who to vote for, this might help.