GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I am descending…from heaven above. So catch me I’m falling, baby. Hold on to my love. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Looks like we got a dogfight: Multnomah County Commish Jules Bailey will be taking on Ted Wheeler in the upcoming Portland mayoral election.

A Portland cop has been given desk duty after tweeting his distaste for working at a Black Lives Matter demonstration, saying he’d be “babysitting those fools.”

Speaking of which, Chicago cop Jason Van Dyke has been charged with first degree murder for he death of 17-year-old Laquan McDonald who was shot 16 times, as he tried to run away from police. Chicago cops said that McDonald “lunged” at police—the dashcam video shows the exact opposite.

Chicago is bracing itself for another round of demonstrations today to protest the murder of Laquan McDonald—which will also be firmly on the minds of those protesting at Lloyd Center Thursday.

Meanwhile in Minneapolis, five Black Lives Matter protesters were shot and injured by masked attackers on Monday night—and how did the police respond? “This is what you guys wanted,” they said.

Missouri death row prisoner Reggie Clemons, who’s spent 22 years in jail, has had his convictions thrown out by the state’s supreme court over prosecutorial misconduct during his trial.

A rash of horrific murders—all women, with 18 being killed so far—have been terrifying a tourist spot in Mexico.

A US general confesses that their bombing of a Doctors Without Borders hospital in Afghanistan was a tragic mistake caused by human error.

Turkey shoots down a Russian jet they say crossed over from Syrian airspace into theirs.

Hillary Clinton has pledged to stop using the words “illegal immigrants” when referring to refugees.

Start digging underneath your couch cushions for change, because Ringo Starr is ready to auction off the first ever pressing of the White Album.

Late night talk show host Seth Meyers is forced to explain the Syrian refugee vetting process to Sarah Palin—because she’s Sarah Palin. (Anyway, he also hands her her ass.)

Now let’s hear about this WEATHER situation: A SUNNY week ahead with highs in the crisp mid-40s. YESSSSS.

And finally, sick of videos depicting cats riding on a vacuum? Here’s a video of a CHICKEN riding a vacuum! You’re welcome! (This really needs a “Yakkity Sax” soundtrack.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)