GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! ‘Cause to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me. Oh baby, baby. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Oregon’s clean fuel laws are still being bitterly fought by Republicans and oil companies who, unless the laws are overturned, are vowing to stop any new road improvement taxes. More proof that Republicans hate America and drivers.

A man steals $5,000 worth of clothing from Nordstrom, and then immediately goes to Nordstrom Rack. (This just in… Nordy’s is not that great, guys.)

A man in Lafayette, Oregon hospitalizes two female relatives after attacking them with nunchucks.

Meanwhile in sports, the Timbers may have lost to the Red Bulls… BUT:

Pope Francis, currently in Cuba (where he met Fidel Castro), will also visit Washington, D.C. later this week, as well as an overcrowded Philadelphia prison where 80 percent of the inmates have been incarcerated without a trial.

Today in idiotic things Republican presidential candidates say: Ben Carson proclaims that a Muslim should never be allowed to become President of the United States.

While Trump still leads the field of GOP presidential candidates, former CEO Carly Fiorina is gaining quickly according to a post-debate poll.

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton leaps ahead of upstart Bernie Sanders in the latest polls.

Tax revenues from legal cannabis have gone through the roof in Colorado, nearly doubling monthly numbers from last year.

A North Carolina teen very nearly missed going to prison (and being registered as a sex offender) for having naked pictures of himself on his own phone.

HBO won big at last night’s Emmy awards, with statuettes going to Game of Thrones, Veep, and Olive Kittredge. But the big news was a leading actress win for Viola Davis—the first black woman to ever win this award.

Emmy headline of the day: “Mario Lopez sweats through shirt.”

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Oh man, that’s gross.

Now here’s what’s going on in your neck of the WEATHER woods: Comfortable and dry through Thursday with temps in the low 70s.

And finally, this cat is pretty good at Jenga—until it finally says, “Fuck this bullshit.”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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