GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Maybe I’m an open book because I know you’re mine, but you won’t need to read between the lines. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

The Oregonian has cancelled their very lopsided and thick-headed mayoral debate that only featured the two most moneyed candidates, due to “threats of disruption” from audience members who threatened to call them on their classist, anti-democracy bullshit. OH, POOR OREGONIAN! BOO-HOO-HOO!

The Blazers do it again and this time on the road, taking down the Indiana Pacers 111-102.

More reports of gunfire in deep northeast close to 92nd Avenue, where two homes was allegedly struck by a hail of bullets.

Let’s get the Oscars discussion out of the way: Spotlight took best picture (hey, I reviewed that… it was pretty good), Brie Larson won best actress for Room, Leo got best actor (for allowing a bear to eat out his butthole), but it was Chris Rock who won the night for best monologue destroying white people, ever. Don’t miss that video, below.

Racial discrimination wasn’t the only political message from Oscar night; there was also Vice President Joe Biden and Lady Gaga’s stirring message against sexual assault.

OH! And then there was the Stacey Dash (who has shit-talked Black History Month) situation:

Which elicited this response:

Tomorrow is SUPER-DUPER-GIGANTE TUESDAY! Here are the states in contention, and the Guardian‘s best guesses as to who will win them.

Trouble in Pakistan after the murderer of a liberal governor is executed for supposedly defending the honor of Islam.

Salt Lake City erupts in violence after police shoot and critically injure a man wielding a broomstick.

A “White Lives Matter” rally put on by the KKK in California erupts into a brawl because… well, because.

Speaking of white supremacists, Donald Trump refused to disavow the KKK’s former leader David Duke because he doesn’t know who he is. (He wants to run for president, but has no idea who David Duke is. Sheesh. You Republicans have got a real winner on your hands!)

Hawaii Representative Tulsi Gabbard has resigned her Democratic National Committee post to support Bernie Sanders.

Hillary Clinton overwhelmingly won the South Carolina Democratic primary on Saturday, thanks largely to turnout from the black vote.

An American student in North Korea is in the soup for attempting to steal a political banner, which is FAR MORE THAN ENOUGH to set off those touchy politicians.

Watch how “money talks, and bullshit walks” as a coalition of 400 companies threaten to leave the state of Georgia if they go through with their threats of passing a discriminatory/homophobic “religious liberty” bill.

In other hillbilly news, members of a Tennessee youth basketball team rape one of their members with a pool cue, and try to brush it off as a hazing prank. OH, YOU KIDS.

Now let’s check out WEATHER WORLD: Showers will appear late in the day, with a high of 56.

And finally, if you haven’t already, take the time and check out Chris Rock’s absolutely BLISTERING monologue from last night’s Oscars. Dear White People—you just got served.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)