GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! They call me Thomas, last name Crown. Recognize game, I’m a lay mine down. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

More evacuations for the Canyon Creek Complex, a neighborhood near John Day, as blazes grow nearer.

After a smoky weekend in Portland, winds from the sea will be blowing in to lessen the city’s haze and our allergies.

Police in Boston have arrested two men accused of planning an attack on the Pokémon world championships. Dibs on the movie rights!

Three Americans (including one from Oregon) and a Brit are given France’s highest honor after taking down a gun-toting terrorist on a high-speed French train.

Panic at the New York Stock exchange today as the Dow plummets 1,000 points at the opening bell.

Because they’re dicks, ISIS blows up a temple dating back to 17 AD.

The son of an Oklahoma City labor commissioner is arrested after allegedly stabbing his father to death in a restaurant.

And now the science headline of the day: “No, You Do Not Have to Drink 8 Glasses of Water a Day.” HA! Fuck you, Water! (Excuse me, I have to go pee.)

Wait… One Direction is going on hiatus? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now here’s what’s going on in weather town: More sun, more warm with highs in the low 80s for the next few days.

And finally, here’s a supercut featuring 70 examples of casual sexism on Fox News. (Only 70? That’s surprising.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

One reply on “Good Morning, News: Pokémon Terrorism, Dow Jones Tumbles, and Eff YOU, Water!”

  1. Hooray for those great 3 Americans on that French train!!!
    Well done!
    I guess that asshole won’t be getting his 17 virgins and hanging out with Allah anytime soon.

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