GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Bury me at sea, where no murdered ghost can haunt me. If I rock upon the waves, then no corpse can lie upon me. LET’S GO TO PRESS.
Let’s start with the good news! The Portland Timbers beat the Columbus Crew 2-1 to bring the MLS cup to our hometown. Read our Abe Asher’s thrilling and emotional recap, and YAY! It feels good to win!
Believe it. @TimbersFC took home their first #MLSCup. HIGHLIGHTS: https://t.co/6bgW5flr3R #RCTID pic.twitter.com/JEqDJesmmz
— Major League Soccer (@MLS) December 7, 2015
Watch Diego Valeri score the quickest goal in MLS Cup history… and only 27 seconds into the Timbers game against the Crew!
Some Crew supporters apparently couldn’t take how awesome the Timbers were and threw beer cans at them from the crowd. BAD SPORT, SPORTS!
Portland remains under a flood watch, and according to the experts, today will be the worst with downpours and 45 mph winds.
Things got a little crazy after shoplifters assault two employees at the Lloyd Center Mall, drawing a big police response and leading to a cop flipping his squad car. CALM DOWN EVERYBODY.
Finally somebody leaked some documents about the other guys. The Guardian received a leaked Islamic State manual that explains how the organization is attempting to establish their government.
President Obama addressed the nation yesterday to calm people’s fears about terrorism and to say we’d be resisting an all-out attack on ISIS, and holding to the current course.
The Department of Homeland Security is planning on instituting yet another new national alert system against terrorism—hope it’s not as useless as the last one!
Here’s a Guardian article showing how our own Ceasefire Oregon is making a difference in the national gun debate.
The US Justice Department is launching an investigation into the Chicago Police Department to see if they have a pattern of violent misconduct.
Now let’s look at this DISGUSTING WEATHER: As stated above, RAIN, RAIN, RAIN with mild to balmy temperatures through the foreseeable future.
And finally, to get you going on your Monday, here’s the ultimate Movie Sports Coach motivational speech! LET’S DO THIS GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOO!!
Oh, that’s right, Pretentious Nameplate ™ Humphrey would rather we just have dought constantly.
Quickest goal in MLS Cup history…. plenty of quicker goals in MLS history….
Thanks, redacted, I’ll fix that.
@Matthew Hall, yer dumb.
Way to go Timbers
@ Humphrey
I am to annoy you, it’s true.