GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I heard she’s not all that to you, ’cause she can’t do it like I do. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

A Portland couple builds a tiny house to beat the housing crisis—but zoning regulations and a nosy NIMBY defeat their plan.

A pushing-shoving match broke out last week at a Multnomah County Democrats meeting… and if you think about if for about five seconds, you’ll probably figure out who caused the hubbub.

The Timbers couldn’t quite dig deep enough to defeat DC United on Saturday—check out what happened with this recap from Blogtown footy correspondent Abe Asher.

And now… THE OLYMPICS: Jamaica’s Usain Bolt wins the 100m gold for the THIRD time. Meanwhile in the 400m, South African Wayde van Niekerk flies like the wind and smashes the previous world record. Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas has been the subject of absolutely fucking stupid attacks from internet assholes… because internet assholes. Also assholes? The robbers who robbed Ryan Lochte and three other Olympians in Rio!

In an effort to save Republican seats across the nation, there are reports that GOP party bigwigs are contemplating turning their backs completely on Donald Trump.

Meanwhile, Trump’s campaign manager is frantically denying that Ukraine politicians have earmarked millions in undisclosed cash for the candidate. (HEH HEH HEHHHHHHH.)

One person was shot at the second night of Milwaukee protests, following the cop shooting of a black man on Saturday afternoon.

Devastating floods in Louisiana have left five dead, though 20,000 have been rescued.

In response to the Pulse nightclub massacre, a new civil disobedience group, Gays Against Guns, are taking their fight to gun makers and supporters.

Wildfires rushing through a northern California community force over 1,000 from their homes.

The plan to release genetically modified mosquitos in Key West, Florida in order to slow the Zika virus is meeting a lot of resistance from residents.

Rest in peace, Kenny Baker: The person behind Star Wars‘ R2D2, who passed at the age of 81.

Now let’s talk about this WEATHER situation: A sunny, sunny week starting today with a high of 84.

And finally, the Olympics are cool, I guess… but they ain’t SHIT unless they adopt the Norwegian Belly Flop Competition! Give all these idiots the GOLD!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

One reply on “Good Morning, News: Usain Bolt Bolts, Trump’s Russian Money Scandal, and Gays Against Guns”

  1. My Heathen Communist Godlessness, is even The Portland Mercury getting in on the neoMcCarthyism action? Who gives a flying poo-stained hammer and sickle if rapidly flailing, failing joke of a non-candidate Drumpf’s campaign chairman took undisclosed donations years ago? And if we’re going to free associate Communist subversion, why not look at the Clinton Foundation, too? Via the New York Times,

    “As the Russians gradually assumed control of Uranium One in three separate transactions from 2009 to 2013, Canadian records show, a flow of cash made its way to the Clinton Foundation. Uranium One’s chairman used his family foundation to make four donations totaling $2.35 million. Those contributions were not publicly disclosed by the Clintons, despite an agreement Mrs. Clinton had struck with the Obama White House to publicly identify all donors. Other people with ties to the company made donations as well.”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/24/us/cas…

    #NeverHillary #NeverDrumpf #WorstElectionEver

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