Got a stupid, stupid crying baby at home that JUST… WON’T… SHUT… UP? Well, first of all, you have no one to blame but yourself. Those are your genes the stupid baby is carrying, after all. However, while you certainly deserve the punishment of endless squalling from a mentally deprived idiot baby, your neighbors and those around you certainly do not. That’s why I’m sharing the following fool proof tip for silencing your stupid, crying, stupid baby. OBSERVE:
That’s right. Shut UP, you stupid baby.
When I hear a screaming kid I march right up to that lil bastard, grab hold of their chin and look ’em in the eye for a few seconds. Then I pull down my pants and squeeze their tiny nose really hard between the flexed cheeks of my butt and fiercely fart out some vile slappy grease which smacks all across their face. Kids love a good fart joke. Sends them into fits of laughter and shuts them right the fuck up. Parents love it when I lend a hand, or ass. Sometimes they try to tip me but I say ‘nah, save it for the kids college fund’.