HEY! Yeah, YOU! The stupid baby with the basketball! What are you going to do with the basketball, you stupid baby? You think you can shoot it into the basket? HAAAAA!! I would love to see you try. I would just LOVE to see a stupid, idiot baby like you pick up a basketball, and shooooooooooooooo…. HOLY SHIT!!! Ummm. Never mind?

Yeah, well, I bet you can’t do that with a regulation basketball… STUPID, STUPID BABY!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)