"Dude... like, no one's gonna stop me from getting the only exercise I've gotten all year, mumble, mumble, Ritalin."

The parents and old people of Beaverton have something new to panic about: Out-of-school teens playing “Fugitive: An Extreme Game of Tag!” The game is played late at night, and something like this: There are runners, drivers and chasers. The runners run through the darkened streets, while being pursued by drivers and chasers (in the cars). When a runner is spotted, the car gets as close as they can and the chaser jumps out and tags as many runners as possible. The tagged runner becomes a chaser, and the game continues.

SOUNDS TIRING. Why aren’t these kids holed up in their parents’ basements huffing a bong?

Anyway, this stupid, and practically harmless game has got the cops, parents, and thumb-twiddling oldsters of Beaverton all in a dither, because… well, they’re BEAVERTON. According to this article from the O, 370 kids on Facebook have confirmed they will play, and another 250 are considering it—AND IT’S ALL GOING DOWN STARTING AT 10 PM TONIGHT!! PANIC!!!

Police said they are aware of the game and plan to patrol the high schools to prevent the game or a “plan B” from happening, according to Officer Pam Yazzolino, Beaverton police spokeswoman. While on patrol, police hope to teach participants about public safety, Yazzolino added.

“These ‘fugitive games’ are not games to the police and if a crime is committed it will be dealt with accordingly,” Yazzolino said.

BOO-YAH! Did you note that tricky wordplay there from the cops? Though it usually stops bored, angst-ridden teen troublemakers in their tracks, take care when you’re driving through Beaverton tonight. (Can someone please tell why there’s any reason to drive through Beaverton at night?)

Dude... like, no ones gonna stop me from getting the only exercise Ive gotten all year, mumble, mumble, Ritalin.
  • “Dude… like, no one’s gonna stop me from getting the only exercise I’ve gotten all year, mumble, mumble, Ritalin.”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

5 replies on “Today in Those Terrible Teens: “Tag… YOU’RE DEAD!!””

  1. This is what it’s come to, kids having to “Like” a kegger on Facebook and then Mom is all #GROUNDED4LYFE on the Twitters. They’re probably doing an episode of Think Out Loud about this today, aren’t they?

  2. Oh god, I watched local news interview some of these idiot youths last night. One teen said something like this:

    Teen: I don’t know why the police want to stop us, we’re not doing anything wrong or bad. It’s not against the law to break laws.

    Not joking. “Not against the law to break laws.”

    TEENS.

  3. This is why Facebook ruins fun. In my day we would have called all our friends on telephones that were bolted to the wall and our parents would never have known. KIDS THESE DAYS!!!

  4. Retarded teen behavior but I don’t think basing it on the location is sound logic. There are plenty of idiot teens/20 somethings in Portland. On the bright side at least they are not riding bikes naked:)

  5. Whatever. I fully support these teens. A city sidewalk is a public space. If they aren’t breaking curfew, or tresspassing, or violating other laws, I see no reason why there should be a problem here.

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