I’M… BORED! So let’s take a looky-loo into the Blogtown Crystal Ball™ to see what YOUR future child will look like.

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Okay… okay… the mists are parting… it appears as if your future child will be a regular beauty pageant contestant who has an extremely strong aversion to hairspray. She may also be stroke victim. Not sure about that.

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)