As you know I’ve got illegitimate kids scattered across the country, which kind of makes me an expert on parenting. So I was interested in this study wherein researchers polled thousands of parents to discover which combo of kids made for the most harmonious family life. Now the results of this poll are right here—BUT! Let’s see if YOU can guess what they said first, and if you agree with their findings.
(Obviously the researchers left off the best choice, which would be “no kids”—but pretend someone is using a gun to force you to breed, so we can move on with the poll, okay?)
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Psh, why stop at four?!
I’m sorry, I think you forgot to list “15 cats” as an option…?
They haven’t made a gun big enough!
none.
Why can’t I vote for no kids? Or robots? I VOTE ROBOTS!
I vote rats?
I have one brother. Since I am the best fucking person on the planet, the answer is clearly two boys.
I voted and then realized that this is not a “how do you like your orgy” survey. Oops.
I have one husband, one son, and one male cat. We seem to do okay.
x3 for 0 and Robots.