This Week’s Question: Who’s to Blame for the 2016 Election?
“Obviously, the corrupt DNC is to blame for cheating Bernie Sanders out of his opportunity to be our nominee! Bernie would’ve easily beat Trump!” Dan Finley, NE Portland
FRANK CASSANO: “Wow. That’s actually a very insightful observation... if you’re a FUCKING IMBECILE! Pop quiz, Nate Silver: If Hillary Clinton couldn’t convince a bunch of cross-eyed, slack-jawed hillbillies to vote for her, do you sincerely believe that Bernie Sanders—a goddamn SOCIALIST with stupid hair, anger issues, and the voice of a meth-head screaming at a traffic sign—would’ve fared any better? God, you’re an idiot. Do the world a favor: Take those butter knives you’ve been using for knife hits, and use them to give yourself a lobotomy, you BLATHERING JACKASS.”
“Actually, I not really into, y’know... blaming people? But I will say that my conscience wouldn’t allow me to buy into the system, which is why I lodged a protest vote for Jill Stein.” Felicity Carmichael, SE Portland
—I... OH, FUCK YOU
, YOU FREE-RANGE HALF-WIT! Apparently your precious ‘conscience’ didn’t take into account the millions of people who will lose their health insurance, the countless immigrants who will be deported, the utter evisceration of Americans’ hard-won civil rights, or all the torture-filled wars that Trump will undoubtedly cause! Next time you feel like being a precious little snowflake, try this instead: Take your conscience, your Jill Stein, and your protest vote and cram them inside the ballot box of your ASS.
“Who’s to blame for me losing the election? One person, and one person only: James Comey, director of the FBI.” Hillary Clinton, New York City
“Sigh. I can’t even with you.”