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Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the nutcases, for theirs is the kingdom of television.
Blessed are those who rant, for their listeners will be comforted.
Blessed are the networks, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who lie and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the willfully ignorant, for they will be shown their rich idol’s money.
Blessed are the schizophrenics, for they will see God.
Blessed are the chickenhawks, for they will be called sons of bitches.
Blessed are those who have delusions of being persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of America. “
History majors rise up!