THAT LOOKS LIKE A DICK in my peripheral vision.
But that can’t be right—because I’m just sitting here on a bench in broad daylight. I look up, and yes, that’s a dick. I’m waiting for the bus, and the guy next to me is masturbating. He flees the scene. That’s when I realize I’m about to spend my evening filing a police report and answering questions from a compassionate detective at the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office. I’ll offer to identify the suspect if they manage to locate him, which I’m happy to do because public masturbation isn’t just the height of rudeness—it’s a crime. And it’s a type of crime that often goes underreported, even though it’s all too common.
Case in point: Safely home, I text my buddy about the man we will forever refer to as “The Masturbator.” She responds by telling me the same thing happened to her, also on public transportation—which makes me feel a little bit better… but also worse, because being a sex-crime victim on your daily commute shouldn’t be this ordinary.