Sustainability Center Will Be “Living” Building

Mayor Sam Adams and Governor Ted Kulongoski have just announced that Oregon’s proposed Sustainability Center will be a first-of-its kind “living building,” assuming, that is, that the so-far imaginary thing ever gets built.

The joint press release put out by the mayor’s and governor’s offices this afternoon is remarkable, if anything, for its optimistic language. Portland is “poised” to build the center, says the release, “which will be housed in a “living” and self-sustaining green building.” The center “has the potential,” says Governor K, “to advance Oregon’s position as a global leader in sustainability.”

But hold on. The Portland Development Commission and the Oregon University System today issued a request for proposals to complete a “feasibility study,” into the center. In governmental speak, telling someone you’re going to “look into the feasibility of something” is about as far from saying “yes, it’s a great, feasible idea,” as simply saying “no, it isn’t.” Telling them you’re doing a REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS to complete a feasibility study is about as grounded in hard, cold reality as saying that by the time you get to Phoenix, she’ll be rising. And I love Glen Campbell. But WAKE UP PEOPLE. He’s not even playing that guitar.

AND. The Governor’s recommended budget for 2009-11 includes a total of $80m in bonding authority for the center, but the budget needs to be approved by the Oregon legislature, and there’s no word, as yet, on how that process might play out.

“If approved and funded, the Center is expected to begin construction as early as this year,” the release continues.

In. Your. Dreams.

Living Buildings have to generate all their own energy with renewable resources, capture and treat all of their water on site, and use resources efficiently and for maximum beauty, according to the living building website. They must also be able to talk French. And do the laundry for a football team while reciting Paradise Lost from memory. In French. Living buildings must also be benevolent, and in no way evoke the terrifying anthropomorphic specter of…le staypuft marshmallow homme:

LE STAYPUFT MARSHMALLOW HOMME: OH NO! C’EST PAS POSSIBLE!!! OH MERDE!!!

But yeah, otherwise, good luck with that. And apologies for the meandering tone, but it’s 4:20 on a Friday. I’m excused.