- Hugh Newell
2015 WAS SUCH a memorable year. 365 days, back to back. All full of stuff and things. Goings-on. Shenanigans. Oh, and there was that one moment! Wow. What a moment.
And then everybody was like, “Whoa!” and then another thing happened and we were all like, “There’s more?!?”
And Star Wars. Man, it was crazy.
Okay, fine. I’m not great at positivity. The negative stuff, on the other hand, I can really get behind that. Rather than one of those friendly year-end roundups, here’s my definitive annual list of shit and garbage not invited back in the upcoming year. As with previous years, this list will result in the world instantly getting better 100 percent of the time.
Freaking Out About Weed Stuff
Weed’s here to stay. Everybody who’s not into weed needs to take a chill pill. Smoke some relaxy cracksy. Huff some restraint paint. Whatever you need to get over the fact that it’s real and the world isn’t ending.
I’m talking to you, the United States Postal Service, which warned newspaper publishers that it’s illegal to mail newspapers containing weed ads. The USPS was like, “Hey, a new way we can seem behind the times? We’re on it!”
You guys lose billions of dollars every year with your weird scheme to walk up to people’s doors with printed-out emails in your satchel. You don’t get to turn away perfectly good newspapers. If somebody shows up wanting to mail something that isn’t a coupon book, there should be a balloon drop and a stripper in a cake.
I’m also talking to you, KATU, for pulling the plug on a marijuana ad earlier in the year. Somebody offered you money for an ad that everybody was going to DVR past. Take that money!
And most of all, I’m talking to you, Lake Oswego, for voting to continue your ban on dispensaries because “kids might see them.” Seeing a dispensary isn’t going to ruin your kids’ lives—it’s not like it’s gluten or public schools.
Dumb Police Billboards
It’s been a bad year for police. I get it. But a billboard just isn’t a good place to defend yourself.
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