[Editor’s Note: Welcome to Blogtown’s newest series, “What’s Your Story?” wherein reporter Alec Quig interviews and photographs people on the street who are just like (or maybe nothing like) you. You’ll find “What’s Your Story?” right here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons. Oh, and look for the following interview and more in this week’s print edition of the Mercury.]
1 Name + nickname: Duane “Superman” P. Jr.
2 Age: 24
3 Hood: Beaverton
4 Occupation: I work for Nike, and play running back and linebacker for the Portland Raiders.
5 Hometown: Kansas City, MO
6 Favorite place to eat in PDX: Rock Bottom.
7 Favorite place to drink in PDX: Bar 15.
8 How fashionable are you on a scale of 1-10? I’ll say 9.
9 Pet peeve: Assumption. You know, it makes an ass out of u and me.
10 Guilty pleasure: Women! I’m attracted to women. Women get me in trouble. Good trouble. You meet me, you’ll have a good time. You got a boyfriend, you don’t wanna meet me.
Continued after the jump.
11 If you had a genie and one wish, what would it be? Peace. World peace.
12 Do you have a cultural recommendation for our readers? Music. All music.
13 Were you cool in high school? Yep. Let’s just say I know a lot of people.
14 If you had a time machine, where would you go? The 1400s. Rome.
15 Favorite thing about the opposite sex? Hoo! Eyes!
16 Least favorite thing about the opposite sex? Complaining. Bitching! For no reason, sometimes.
17 What should all women know that they never seem to? Know men. Know more about men. All around.
18 What is your dream? To be famous!
19 What is your best Portland story? Putting a guy to sleep! I was downtown one night with some of my friends, and there was a guy and chick sitting on a ledge by a parking garage. The girl was not smiling at all, so I walked by and was like, “Smile!” And the dude next to her says something to me. I stopped, walked backwards, and was like, “What’d you say? I just gave the girl a compliment. You should use it. If you have a girl next to you and she’s not smiling, you’d better brighten up her day.” So he says something. Called me a bitch or whatever. How big? Six one, six two. A little bigger than me. Words were exchanged. I was like, “Don’t get beat up and I take your girl.” The girl’s like, “That’s not my man!” And he’s like, “That’s not my girl.” So I’m like, “Ok, this is a great reason for you to get beat up and me take this girl.” He started slapping at my face, smiling. He stood up. I’m like, oh, this guy’s ready. So I took off my shirt, coz I was wearing some letters from my fraternity. I was at an angle and let it fly. He woke up ten minutes later, all like, “Where am I?” There was a cop on the corner, but he didn’t see, so I didn’t get in trouble. Then I just, you know, went about my business!
20 Anything you’d like to hype or promote? 503 Mixers. It’s my rap group. We have no website, but have been doing shows, trying to get our name out there.
YOU ALREADY FUCKING PUBLISHED THIS AS AN ARTICLE1!! SERIOUSLY?!?! JUST LINK TO THE FUCKIGN ARTICLE YOU ALREADY FUCKING PUBLISHED!!! WHO THE HELL IS DRIVING THIS BOAT!@!121`2
http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/wh…
http://alecquig.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/d…
Why is blogtown trolling us? What did we ever do to it?
Besides, the dude it total douchebag.
Yeah, random women on the street just fucking LOVE it when you tell them to smile.
This dude is a fucking asshole. That was the dumbest brag I have ever read. Hey, Alec. Can you find anyone in Portland who doesn’t make me want to move?
assumption actually makes an ass out of u and umption
Graham:
I’ve left a paper bag outside on your front porch. Pick it up, and breathe into it. Slowly. (If that fails, take it out on Intern Suzette when she comes by to help you move.)
http://blogtown.portlandmercury.com/Blogto…
Yeah, so after sexually harrasing a woman you start a fight? This is seriously the story that the Merc is going with? Fucking stupidest shit. Good job on giving this guy a platform for misogyny and violence.
Holy crap, Humphrey, the Merc has jumped the motherfucking shark in a stolen yellow canoe with this series. You’re actually paying somebody to write this shit?
YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT IN PORTLAND IS ROCK BOTTOM?
THAT ASSUMPTION LINE IS PRETTY MUCH GOLD THOUGH.
Well, after that little outburst it looks like Graham is not going to finally realize his dream of working for the Mercury.
And while we’re pointing out the Mercury’s flaws, why is this website the only one that COMPLETELY stops my computer (bought last year) from doing anything for about 3-4 minutes while the page loads?? Wtf guys, get it together, this isn’t 1998.
But he says he wants peace on earth.
Fucking for celibacy.
Careful folks, for critisizing the guy will lead to accusations of racism from Dumbosa.
I LOVE stories about Ed Hardy-wearing frat boys from Beaverton coming downtown to eat some Rock Bottom and start fights. Keep up the good work, “Superman”!
This story kind of reminds me of the shitty questions I’m made to answer at company meetings and during team building exercises.
@Colin: Sssshhhh!!! Let him keep thinking Rock Bottom is the best place to eat in town! The last thing we need is this guy and his Beaverton frat bros coming to Toro Bravo or Beaker and Flask or Pok Pok and telling our women to smile…
@Merc: Still flogging the crap out of this retarded dead horse, huh? How many more of these are there going to be?
Get him a time machine, quick.
This guy sounds delightful. I wish I was single.
Brother never cop to a crime in this town.
The PoPo will be looking for this guy now that he has confessed to the assault.
So according to the Portland Raider’s site:
“The Portland Raiders desire to better our community by:
* Providing a team for students to refine, develop, and showcase their talents and earn a chance to be recognized for college sponsorships or professional teams.
* Providing a means for enthusiasts to continue playing amateur tackle football after their college or professional careers come to and end.
* Involving players in giving to the community through kids camps, school classroom presentations, and volunteering for charities.
* ENTERTAIN THE FANS!”
I don’t know where bragging about beating the crap out of someone and harassing strangers fits in there…
This dipshit looks like Roach from The Cosby Show.
On second thought, keep posting these; it’s worth it since they give Graham the vapors.
@Kiala, you don’t need to be single. This dude will gladly beat up your husb.
+ I would totally fire this guy after reading this article. Let’s hope someone higher up at Nike reads this.