AGAIN, I must really apologize for my co-workers ridiculous behavior on Friday. As you undoubtedly recall, I was forced to leave work early that day, and in my absence, certain Mercury employees (who will not be named, but whose employment is currently under review) uploaded a poorly and hastily shot video of two of our office pugs playing with heavy metal music playing in the background.

Now, I wouldn’t say that this is the worst video we’ve ever uploaded on this site. However, I WILL say that it is ONE OF THE WORST VIDEOS EVER UPLOADED ON THE INTERNET. It is frightfully boring, woefully unoriginal, and only watchable in that one hopes it will somehow improve by its conclusion. IT DOESN’T.

So again, apologies are in order. This video has fucked up the internet, and the perpetrators will be disciplined. That being said, here’s how you make a puppy video, idiots. THEY HAVE TO BE WEARING PEOPLE OUTFITS!!

Thank you EIT, for reiterating what should be obvious.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=OngI1TQ2agU%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

6 replies on “This is How You Make a Puppy Video, Idiots.”

  2. Every dog in that video (with the exception of the bloodhound at the end) is thinking one of two things:

    1) “please don’t beat me again master. If I sit here in this getup long enough, master might not beat me”

    2) “gimme the treat master. If I just sit here in this getup long enough they’ll gimme the treat”

  4. RICO, ur a dumbass…i”m not saying any of those dogs enjoyed having clothes on, and i know they looked sad…but you know what? not all of them were beaten or bribed with treats…some dogs hate wearing clothes and look pathetic until you take them off…amd even if the dog gets treats for sitting still in clothes…gee…that’s how people TRAIN a dog in most cases. it’s a REWARD for being GOOD…geez…some people are morons…

  5. You’re forgetting a key insult aed: Yes, some people are morons, but an even greater number of these menacing individuals simply prefer to see dogs in the raw. Au natural. Starkers. Sans a single stitch.

    NAKED!

    No wonder these dogs look sad! You’d have a tiny frown on your snout too if you knew your owner was going to be staring at your bare ass, whistling and calling you “cute names” like “Tony McPupperson,” “Sir Woofsalot” and “Dogpocalypse Now.”

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