HEY GUYS! Happy National Puppy Day!

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However! While many of you will spend today scratching cute little puppies on the head, we should remember that there are also some very sick individuals out there who will spend their time tickling their dogs on the balls. Take the following highly disturbing video for example. Now, the excuse these people give for tickling their bulldog’s balls is that it inspires the dog to give a “questioning look” which judges in dog shows absolutely love. But you know what? These people need to STOP tickling their bulldogs’ balls. Because it’s sick. And I’m afraid I may accidentally shake the hands one of these bulldog ball ticklers. GAHH! STOP IT!! STOP TICKLING THEIR BALLS!! Must… apply… Purell!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=HQRoRw9qetA%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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