Oh, I wish I had a nickel for every time I threatened to quit Wells Fargo bank... but they'd probably end up taking all my nickels in various fees anyway. Yes, there are good, strong reasons for taking your business away from institutions like Wells Fargo, but now there's one good reason not to.

I just received an email from the American Family Association with the following headline: "3 Reasons Christians Should Close Their Wells Fargo Accounts." The first thing I noticed about this email is they don't actually supply three reasons, just one: WE HATE THEM DAD-BLAMED INFERNAL GAYS! Here's what Wells Fargo is doing wrong, according to the AFA:

... last month, Wells Fargo began airing a one-minute commercial featuring two lesbians adopting a little girl. In response, Franklin Graham [Billy Graham's son] announced last week that the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Samaritan's Purse would be finding another bank as well.

In a Facebook post, Graham cited the “tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media [hey, that's us!], and the gay & lesbian community.” His post also called out jeweler Tiffany & Co. for advertising wedding rings for same-sex couples.

According to AFA's alert, "Wells Fargo's history follows a pattern that it has not wavered from. Over the past few years, Wells Fargo has marched in scores of 'Gay Pride Parades,' advertised monthly in gay magazines and websites, and has endorsed 'Gay Pride Month.'" Wells Fargo has also earned the Human Rights Campaign's highest award for 13 years in a row.

HOW DARE THEY SUPPORT HUMAN RIGHTS?? What an unChristian-like thing to do! Jesus would totally be like, "Fuck this motherfucking bullshit." Naturally this will go nowhere because Christians like Graham and the AFA—not the good kind of Christians—are dinosaurs quickly sinking into the tar pits. (Unless of course, Wells Fargo paid them to say this to get some much needed good publicity. I wouldn't put it past them!)