According to this billboard spotted in L.A., Jesus is coming back on May 21. SAVE THE DATE!
via
1) I did not get an Evite about this.
2) I’m not picking him up at the airport. He can take a cab.
3) I suppose it’s okay if he sleeps on the couch.
4) Does Christ really expect me to be his guide and chauffeur him around town?
4a.) If so, should I take him to Magic Garden? I’m thinking he’s more of an Olive Garden type of guy.
5) May 21 is a Saturday, and I’m already booked to be in Portland’s hit theatrical return of Road House… so get your tickets now, Jesus!
6) According to the wecanknow website, “WE CAN KNOW from the Bible alone that the date of the rapture of believers will take place on May 21, 2011 and that God will destroy this world on October 21, 2011.” According to the howcanbe website, “Chopsticks features karaoke nightly, and $1.50 PBRs.”
6 a.) So this “rapture” thing is supposed to whisk all the good people up to heaven, while the rest of us sit down here stewing in our own juices until months later when God makes mincemeat out of us. In other words, AWESOME!! We’ll have FIVE glorious months without a single stick-up-the-ass Christian around to stomp our buzz! Who wants to do some tequila shots at Hooters?? WOO-HOOO!!!
I think they mean Jesús Christ, not Jesus
The rapture already happened. We didn’t realize it, but a family of 5 in remote North Dakota were taken. It turns out that Jesus was a little more selective that previously expected.
Humphrey, this is more than a month away! I think you guys should stick to talking about events in the next couple of weeks. I don’t want to have to write things down too far ahead in my date book.
um…about that $ I owe you. Not gonna pay up until the 22nd. Just in case.
Yes, I would like to do tequila shots at Hooters.
I can’t believe they’re cybersquatting on the URL for my brand new nonprofit organization, We Cank Now. Bastards. I’ll steal it back on May 22.
I guess Mayans really were wrong about that 2012 thing. Stupid, stupid Mayans!
I’ll be in Los Angeles that week. If you’re in the city of the angels at the time of the rapture, you automatically go to heaven.
May 21st is Armed Forces Day in the US. Coincidence? I think not.
Let me guess, he’ll visit voodoo like every other fucking tourist thinking it is Portland proper?
Save it from/for what, though? Will Jesus not rapture us if we have brunch plans that day or something?
Psh, if you have brunch plans, you are obviously not the rapturable type.
as the bible says there will be scoffers and mockers in the last days saying where is the returning of christ….ebiblefellowship and familyradio and many others that are not in the church have come to the same conclusion…all based on the bible…check it out for yourself before you judge….there is still time…to pray for mercy…a broken and contrite heart God does not despise..
They laughed at “NOAH” when he was building an Ark in a middle of a desert just like most of the people here on this site are laughing, but “NOAH” had the last laugh! Be careful little children at what you laugh at! Judgement is coming.
Before you’re raptured, TheMan, can I dip my balls on your face?
I am busy. I believe that I’ll be sinning and enjoying myself.
I’d laugh at anyone who spells his name with caps and quotation marks too.
Or am I being too hasty?
“TODD MECKLEM”
Hey, I kind of like that!
@TheMan: Please don’t be alarmed, I believe that Fruit Cup is simply referring to his tasty, juicy cantaloupe balls.
Will my student loans be discharged in the Rapture?
C’mon, Jesus, be cool!
I’m actually gonna be tied-up on the 21st. Any way we can move this rapture thing back a few weeks? I’ll probably be free for salvation sometime in June
Waitaminute, God will destroy the world on October 21? (I missed that the first time, Humphrey’s posts drag on a bit so they start to read like adults in Peanuts specials sound.) Gotta take these damned pumpkin seeds back to Fred’s, and the good news is, no need to buy any Halloween candy this year. (Note to self: sell Mars and Hershey’s stock in the morning.)
Even IF it were possible for someone to return from the dead -which it totally is not, I’d bet you anything this Jesus guy would avoid these “Christians” like the plague
@Beer Batter: Blasphemy! When Jesus comes back, the first thing He’ll do is attend a Tea Party rally and demand the government cut taxes for the wealthy and end Obamacare.
Is he going on tour with Tiffany and Debbie Gibson? My soul will need saving after that show.
In case of rapture I will have so-o-o-o-o-o much elbow room.
I really think there is an economic gain element to Mr. Camping’s prediction, especially since he has convinced a considerable percentage of people that follow him to sell all of their personal property and give their money to his organization to fund the movement. My personal theory is that he believes that he has found a particular vulnerable group of people to exploit and could care less about whether Jesus comes back or not. It is a little like Bernie Madoff just instead of having a monetary investment expecting a monetary return it is a monetary investment for a spiritual return. He sees these people as his prey essentially and he is the predator.
From the outside, it looks as though these people may be very naive or extremely desperate and they may truly be prey or sheep as some would use, but if we look at this from a psychological perspective it may be a bit obvious though we may not want to admit it. I would say that this is a natural and innate response for humans who need to have a deep social experience where they are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually a part of group of people that provides (even if its short lived) them with the sense of purpose, community, direction, and most of all identity.
I think it will serve the purpose that it is intended (at least internally for these people), I also think that most people outside of this will interpret its meaning as something entirely different than what it really is, and that may be as much on purpose as what they are doing.