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Iâm a 36-year-old married woman who fantasizes about her husband of 10 years being intimate with other women. This isnât a new thing for me. Iâve fantasized about this for years, but weâve never acted on it. He is intrigued but afraid that it might somehow damage our relationship. But Iâve done some research on it and itâs something Iâm eager to try. (With my husbandâs consent, of course!) But in all my research, Iâve found different and sometimes conflicting definitions of what it means to be a âcuckquean.â Iâm interested in watching my husband pleasure and be pleasured by another woman in a purely physical way. Iâm not interested in being âcheated on.â No flirty texts, no unsanctioned coffee dates. Iâve read accounts of women who are turned...
What The Cuck Am I?
âThe scenario WTCAI describes sounds more like hotwifing with the gender roles reversed than cuckolding,â said Venus, host of The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast. âSheâs interested in hothusbanding!â
Letâs quickly define terms: a man into hotwifing enjoys âsharingâ his wife with other men, WTCAI, and a woman into hot husbanding enjoys âsharingâ her husband with other women. (All this sharing, of course, is consensual.) Cuckolds, on the other hand, arenât sharing their wives. Theyâre being âcheated onâ by their wives. And cuckqueans arenât sharing their husbands. Theyâre being âcheated onâ by their husbands. Cuckolds and cuckqueans, by definition, donât just wanna see their spouses fucking another person, they also want their partners to humiliate and degrade them. (I put âcheated onâ in quotes because the âcheatingâ is consensual and symbolic; likewise, âsharingâ is in quotes above because spouses arenât property.)
âBut cuckolding and hotwifing have a really wide spectrum of practices and dynamics,â said Venus. âSome cucks are submissive and get into degradation and some cucks really arenât subs or into degradation at all. I donât see why hothusbanding/cuckqueaning canât be just as varied. Humiliation, submission, and degradation donât have to be involved!â
Venus is right: there are guys out there who call themselves cuckolds but arenât subs and donât wanna be humiliated or degraded. But I would argue that these guys arenât cuckolds, WTCAI, just as I would argue that you arenât a cuckquean. We have lots of words to describe letting your partner fuck other peopleâopen, monogamish, swinging, mate-swapping, hotwifing, hothusbanding, stag and vixen, CNMâbut we only have one word to describe letting your partner fuck other people while getting off on being humiliated and degraded: cuckolding. And since most people understand cuckolding to involve humiliation and degradation, telling someone youâre a cuckold when youâre not into those things is like telling someone youâre a power bottom when you donât like anal or telling someone youâre into impact play when you donât like having your ass so much as tapped. It confuses rather than clarifies. Whatâs worse, tell someone youâre a cuckold/cuckquean and they might start degrading you while theyâre fucking your partner, which would ruin everything for everybody.
As for setting up a sex date for your husband with an anonymous woman, Venus had a practical suggestion.
âThere are a lot more men out there looking for casual sex than there are women,â said Venus, âwhich makes WTCAIâs fantasy difficult to pull off. But I know a woman whose wife wanted to be blindfolded and then have a group of women come inâall strangers to herâand go down on her. Not an easy fantasy to pull off either! So, they hired a sex worker to facilitate things and it was amazing. Perhaps this would be an ideal solutionâhiring a sex workerâbecause then WTCAI would be in total control.â
Finally, WTCAI, re-reading your letter just now⌠it sounds to me like what you really wanna do is⌠whore your husband out. Itâs an expression Iâve heard gay men use to describe setting up an anonymous encounter for their boyfriends or husbands. You find someone you wanna see fuck your husbandâtaking care to find someone your husband would wanna get fucked byâand all your husband needs to know is when and where. Cuckolds and cuckqueans are subs and a sub can âtop from below,â as the saying goes, but at least officially a cuck doesnât have the power. Someone whoâs whoring his husband out, on the other hand, has all the power. And thatâs what you want, right?
Follow Venus on Twitter@CuckoldressV, and check out her podcast, blog, dating advice, and more at www.venuscuckoldress.com.
I am a woman married to a man. Many years ago, I told him that I was attracted to a mutual friend of ours...
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