I recently started dating a girl who has a strange fetish. The first time
we slept together, she wanted to wear a Catholic schoolgirl outfit. The schoolgirl
fantasy turned me on, although I thought it was a bit odd to go that far our
first time together. Now she’s taking things even further, going places I find
disturbing. The latest thing that she does is nick the inside of her vagina
with a razor so that she bleeds a bit during sex. She says that the pain it
causes and the bleeding make it easier for her to fantasize that she’s losing
her virginity all over again.
This obviously seems like really high-risk sex to me, and frankly, I’m starting
to get a little nervous about how far she’s going to want to go with this. Is
this a common fetish? Should I be worried about this woman? I wear a condom, but
is there anything more I can do to protect myself?
–Worried About Blood
Is there anything more you can do to protect yourself? Hmm. Have you thought
about a restraining order?
What worries me about this woman is not the innocent-schoolgirl-loses-her-virginity
routine, nor the lengths to which she’s willing to go for the sake of, er, bloody
verisimilitude. It’s wonderful that she’s so in touch with her own needs and
so open about what turns her on. No, what worries me is that she didn’t think
you needed any prep before she sprang this freaked-out shit on you. Edgy fantasies
and fetishes are swell–a lot of people have them–but reasonable, rational,
sane, together perverts don’t just spring their kinks on new and unsuspecting
partners. When dating civilians, responsible fetishists have little talks, lay
the groundwork, and do some handholding before they haul out the Catholic schoolgirl
outfits and the razorblades.
Are her turn-ons common? Sure. Losing your virginity is a common fantasy,
just as Catholic schoolgirl outfits are a common fetish. It’s the razorblades
and the blood that ramp this woman’s fantasies up to the edgy and extreme. Is
what you’re doing safe? Well, provided her blood isn’t getting into your body–if
you’re using condoms, and you have no cuts or broken skin that her blood is
coming into contact with–you’ll probably survive the sex. It’s the rest of
the relationship that I worry about.
The problem isn’t that this woman is kinky, WAB, but that she’s obtuse and
inconsiderate. Springing these kinks on you betrays a worrying lack of judgment
on her part, and all of her various social maladaptations (obtuse, inconsiderate,
poor judgment) will eventually manifest themselves in other areas of your relationship.
The kind of woman who takes a razorblade to her genitals without so much as
a “Honey, I’ve always had this fantasy about” is the kind of woman who’ll take
your CDs out of the stereo without putting them back into their jewel boxes
or drown your five children in a bathtub one afternoon while you’re at work.
I’d move on if I were you.
I’m an 18-year-old straight male and a virgin. I’m into bondage, and like
looking at pictures of tied-up and gagged girls on the Internet and jerking
off to them. The problem is that every time I come close to having relationships
with girls, my craving to tie them up gets the better of me and I ask them if
I can tie them up probably way too soon. They usually get awkward around me
after I ask and seem to think I’m a perverted, creepy, kidnapping psycho. I
really want to make this fantasy a reality, but I don’t know how to control
the urge to ask the girls I’m attracted to if I can tie them up. Even talking
about it with them turns me on, so that screws me up relationshipwise too. What
can I do?
Finally, do I have to give myself a stupid name? Alright, uh.
–The Dumb Dominator
There are women out there who like to be tied up, God knows, but even women
turned on by bondage are unlikely to let out-of-control teenage boys tie them
up. And why’s that? Because a man who can’t control himself before he ties you
up–say, a guy who lets his cravings get the better of him–doesn’t come across
like the kind of guy a woman can trust to control himself after he’s tied her
up. So you have a choice to make, TDD: You can learn to control yourself, or
you can stay a virgin all your life.
If, like WAB’s girlfriend, you’re going to date non-kinky civilians, you’re
gonna have to have the little talks and do some handholding. But before you
do any of that, you’re going to have to let the girls you date get to know you
a little better. Restrain yourself: Keep your mouth shut about your kinks and
bite your tongue when your cravings start to get the better of you. If you can
wait a couple of months before you bring up bondage, the woman you’re dating
might like you and trust you enough to let you tie her up. But if you act like
a creepy psycho (asking her way too soon, getting visibly turned on when you
first talk about it), she’s going to think you’re a creepy psycho and dump your
perverted ass.
Finally, don’t be too ambitious the first time you tie someone up. You’re
going to have to get some practice before you attempt anything as complicated
as the photos you’ve seen on the Internet. It’s easy to accidentally hurt someone
when you’re not sure what you’re doing with ropes and gags, so take it slow,
check in with your willing victim frequently, and have some sort of signal–a
word or a gesture–that means stop.
I am a 45-year-old married male and I’m into enemas. I’ve been doing this
for over 20 years. I am looking for a woman to give me an enema. I made contact
with an enema mistress on the web but she wants 300 bucks. I think that’s a
bit much. Do you know of a woman who can provide me with satisfaction for free?
—Water World
Oh, sure, I know lots of women who would love nothing more than to provide
you with satisfaction for free. Gee, now where did I put my mother’s phone number?
Excuse me, WW, but out of the very few women out there who enjoy giving men
enemas (and my mom, for the record, isn’t one of them), I doubt very many, if
any at all, are itching to give enemas to 45-year-old married men. As your sexual
tastes are unique and your personal circumstances are not all that appealing
to single, in-demand female enema fetishists, you’re just gonna have to reconcile
yourself to paying for it. And let me tell you something, WW, administering
enemas to middle-aged married guys isn’t something I would do for less than
$10,000 an hour. In my opinion, the enema mistress you contacted on the web
wasn’t gouging you–she was offering you a deal. Take her up on it.
