While visiting my family for the holidays, my
72-year-old father informed me that a 29-year-old Russian woman was
coming to America to be with him. He could hardly contain his
excitement. Dad didn’t want me to tell my brother and sister, because
he knew they would be critical of him being with a 29-year-old Russian
virgin. He’s correct. They would judge him. But I couldn’t care
less who he fucks.
I did ask if he had sent this woman any money. He insisted that
he had not. Over the next couple days, I got my father to confess to
sending this woman more than $3,000 (he won’t give me the real number).
A few days later he went to the airport to meet his lovely Russian
girlfriend. Obviously, no Russian woman got off the plane.
I have since had some conversations with my dad about the
likelihood that a legitimate 29-year-old woman—or even a
50-year-old woman—would want to be with a 72-year-old man in bad
health. There is nothing exceptional about him. He is overweight,
basically lives on social security with enough left in retirement
savings for some luxury in life, has no special talents that would make
a much younger woman attracted to him, i.e., he is not Jack Nicholson,
etc. I encouraged him to think about more age-appropriate partners and
did some internet searches for him on legit dating websites. He’s not
interested in anyone close to his age. Those women are “old,” he
says.
Dad says he’s lonely without female companionship. I don’t think
this is about being lonely. He works on occasion for my brother, goes
out with family and friends. I think it is about an old man who wants
to recapture his youth by being with a younger woman. Which is fine.
But as his son, I feel obligated to protect what little my father has.
He has already been scammed once. We have always had a good
relationship. But he confides in me less now because I “lectured” him
about his Russian girlfriend and the age difference.
Should I help him with the dream of finding a much younger woman?
Or, do I continue down the path of convincing him to seek out women
who, if not age-appropriate, at least have similar life
experiences?
No Fools Like Old Fools
If your dad admits to sending this woman $3K, NFLOF, he probably
sent her 10 times that. Explain to your father that he can have a hot
younger woman whenever he wants—by renting an honest pro, a
decent whore, someone who only wants to take him for her reasonable,
hourly rate. Yes, he’ll be paying for it, but he’ll be paying a lot
less and actually getting it. With a little effort, you and your dad
can find a kind, understanding pro, someone he can see regularly, and
he can establish a “relationship” of sorts, one that involves a little
companionship and affection, real or simulated, and not just sex.
It may not be legal, of course, but it’s the only way a man who
isn’t rich and famous—like Donald Trump or Fred
Thompson—can land a 29-year-old bride.
And finally, NFLOF, you need to discuss what went down with your
siblings and talk to your father’s doc, if he has one. If he’s
dangerously out of touch with reality—like Donald Trump or Fred
Thompson—you may need to step in and take over his finances
before his next mail-order bride takes him for all he’s worth.
Here’s what’s up: My wife and I were making love
the other night and after about 20 minutes of great sex she told me she
was going to come. She went ahead and had a great orgasm and then
pretty much shut down. I was left lying on the bed with a huge hard-on
and the expectation that she would “help” me out a little bit. But
after a few minutes, it became apparent she had no intention of doing
anything but going to sleep. We had a minifight about it later. She
felt that since on other (rare) occasions I have had an orgasm and she
hasn’t, it was okay to leave me the way she did. What gives? I have a
case, don’t I?
Incidentally, for some reason after 10 minutes of this bickering,
we were both still turned on and we ended up having sex again—and
this time we BOTH got off!
Loaded Question
So long as you’ve offered to get the wife off on those occasions
when you’ve come first—and made the offer with a smiling, upbeat,
only-too-happy-to-do-it tone in your voice, LQ, and followed
through—she is obligated to do the same. If, however, you’ve
rolled over and passed out on those occasions when you’ve come first,
she is under no obligation to treat your ass with any more
consideration.
I have been dating my girlfriend for six months and
we are passionate about each other, making love at least twice a day.
We’re very much in love. My girlfriend’s best friend is a gay male whom
she dated in high school before he came out. I asked my girlfriend
about taking a vacation together this year and she told me that she
can’t because she’s going to Italy for two weeks with her gay ex. Is
this screwed up or am I freaking out about nothing? I mean, she is
going away for two weeks with her ex-boyfriend who now just happens to
be gay?!
Jealously Justified
At six months, JJ, you don’t have the seniority to make demands on
your girlfriend where travel companions are concerned. And he’s GAY,
you idiot. They dated in HIGH SCHOOL. He is, for all intents and
purposes, her GIRLFRIEND now—he probably always was.
Seeing as he’s just a friend, JJ, why shouldn’t she travel with him?
What are you afraid of? That he’s going to streak her hair over
there?
If you can’t be chill about this, you’re going to sabotage this
relationship. You haven’t been dating that long, so she either made
these plans before you met or before you two became serious. At a year
and six months—maybe—you would have a right to be
aggrieved if she was running off for two weeks with a friend,
preventing you two from getting away together. But at this point, any
bitching from you is going to raise red flags. If you’re
smart—and the jury’s out—you’ll say, “Gee, I wish I was
going with you—I can’t wait until we can travel together and fuck
our way across Europe.” And, if you must, you can add, “I know it’s
COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL, but I’m feeling a little jealous and threatened.
Tell me again how COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY and SCREAMINGLY gay your ex
is, please.” Say that with a smile so she’ll laugh, then you fake a
laugh, and then take them BOTH out to dinner, give them a travel guide,
and tell ’em you hope they have fun over there.
And who knows? If you play your cards right, JJ, you might get
invited along. But if you act like a jealous, irrational douchebag,
you’re definitely going to get your ass dumped.
Readers respond to my advice for LIMP—the guy who can’t stop
stressing over the size of his dick—at thestranger.com/savage/limp.
A new Savage Love podcast is available for listening every
Wednesday at portlandmercury.com/podcasts.
