1. Will I ever get over my ex who’s packing?
If you mean packing in the “putting things in bags” sense of the term, then your ex hasn’t even moved out yet. Give it a minute. If you mean packing in the “my ex has a massive cock” sense of the term, you may never get over your ex fully. (Here’s hoping you have some pics and/or a Clone-A-Willy dildo to remember him by.) Look, I don’t know whether or not you’re gay — there’s not much info to go on in your letter — but I’ve seen two gay men go from fuckbuddies to boyfriends/husbands and back to fuckbuddies again when the relationship didn’t work out. So, if you can manage to stick the dismount here… if you can keep this breakup amicable… periodic remounts could be in your future.
P.S. Being friends with our exes — something to look forward to if you’re gay, something to aspire to if you’re straight.
2. Can I catch pin worms from eating ass?
You can — but it’s rare; hand-to-mouth transmission is more efficient and more common. And seeing as you can catch worse right now eating blueberries and bagged salad and guacamole and ground beef, you might as well order the ass.
3. Suggestions for gay dudes having random quickies? I can’t exactly carry lube everywhere or quickly douche in a public restroom.
Be prepared! If you’re going out cruising and you wanna get fucked, douche before leaving the house and carry a few “single use” lube packets in your pocket. If opportunity presents itself and you’re not prepared to get fucked, remember that oral and JO are not sad consolation prizes, they’re great sex.
4. Gay man here who enjoys rimming. Is it safe to move from a clean asshole to other areas and back again?
All gay men this week?
Look, so long as your tongue doesn’t touch a blueberry as you move from asshole to other areas and back again… you should be fine. Let’s not overthink this.
5. Is it normal to enjoy the smell of your own ball sweat?
Oh, good — a question from a straight guy.
With apologies to Alexander Pope: “To enjoy the smell of your ball sweat is human, to enjoy the smell of another man’s ball sweat, divine.”
6. My wife loves to get creampied during gangbangs by guys who’ve had vasectomies. Tips for preventing BV better?
So, bad news from the Mayo Clinic: if your wife suffers from recurrent bacterial vaginosis — if her natural bacteria levels are easily thrown out of whack — she is advised to use condoms during PIV and to limit the number of sex partners she has, advice that kind of rules out nice, wholesome, completely heterosexual gangbang creampies.
P.S. We had some good news recently for straight women who suffer from recurring BV infections: if a woman’s male partner is treated with oral and topical antibiotics, her chances of coming down with BV again are cut by more than half. Another thing that reduces BV risk: male circumcision. While asking the men who fuck your wife to get cut (if they’re not already) is a lot, asking them to slather their cocks with topical antibiotics isn’t too much to ask. Read all about it at Dr. Jen Gunter’s newsletter The Vajenda.
7. What’s one thing you tried and bailed from almost immediately? For me it was a finger up my butt.
Cunnilingus — I’m defining “tried” broadly. Let’s just say, I was heading south and bailed just before making it to the border.
8. I did porn (just five videos) before I met the man I’m going to marry. I have never told him about this as I did them before I knew him. Do I need to tell him?
I think you should tell him for your own sake. Otherwise, you’ll be living with the Sword of Pornocles hanging over your head. Do you really need the low-level, constant worry about when or whether he’s going finding out? And from whom? But if you choose to gamble on him not finding out… or choose to wait until it’s harder for him to leave you (after you marry, after you buy a place, after you have kids) in the hopes that he would think twice before leaving you… there’s a good chance he’ll see it as an additional betrayal.
P.S. All men have watched porn and a man who wouldn’t marry someone who’s appeared in porn is a hypocrite. You deserve better than that — and you may in fact already have better than that. There’s only one way to find out.
9. A lot of GRWM videos by drag queens have been appearing on my social media feeds lately. A lot of these queens are stunning, and I can’t keep my eyes off of them. However, some of them put entirely too much makeup on. These queens are beautiful before they do a thing to their faces and then they add a pound of makeup. How can I support these queens while also letting them know they are gorgeous with no makeup at all. Thoughts?
Complaining about drag queens putting on too much makeup in their GRWM (“get ready with me”) videos is like complaining about Iowans deep frying too many Twinkies in GHDWM (“get heart disease with me”) videos they make at the Iowa State Fair.
P.S. If you like pretty boys (read: slight adult males) who don’t wear too much makeup… maybe femboys are more your style?
10. My gay boyfriend’s straight roommate flirts with me aggressively. (I am also a gay man. Duh.) It would be easier to ignore if my boyfriend’s roommate weren’t so fucking hot. He’s flashed his dick at me and likes to say (in front of my boyfriend and other people) that he could have me with a snap of his fingers, which is probably true. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to be bothered. We’ve only been dating for three months (he’s my first boyfriend!), whereas he’s lived with his roommate for two years. What is going on here?
I have no idea but I would watch the live stream.
P.S. Your boyfriend’s roommate wants you — whether he actually wants to fuck you or just wants to fuck with you and/or your boyfriend’s head/heads remains to be seen.
P.P.S. Your question reads like the opening chapter of a gay cuckold erotic novella. If your question is real, I hope you stick around long enough to find out how this story ends.
11. My girlfriend still lives with her wife. They split up over a year ago. My girlfriend says she will find a new place to live just as soon as she feels financially stable enough to move but it’s costing me an enormous amount emotionally to stay in the situation. I am surrounded by their relationship, and her ex isn’t over her and keeps trying to win her back. When I get upset about it, which is now every time I am in that house, my girlfriend sends me away and says I am being unreasonable, and I am not allowed to be in the house if I am going to get upset about the situation. What should I do, Dan?
Maybe take “go” for an answer?
12. My husband doesn’t want to have sex anymore.
Then your husband doesn’t have to have sex anymore — but he can’t stop you from having sex, if sex is something you still wanna have. If you wanna do this right, you need to have a conversation with your husband about whether your marriage, which I presume was monogamous up to now, is going to be some form of ENM (open, poly, toly, DADT, etc.) going forward. If you can’t bring yourself to have that conversation — if it feels too risky — then do what you need to do to stay married and stay sane… which could mean cheating or could mean going without.
13. My wife says she doesn’t care if I watch porn, but whenever she catches me watching it, she gets furious. So, she clearly cares, right?
She clearly cares — she might wish she didn’t care, but she does. And if you’re having this fight more than once every few years, you need to do a better job at hiding your porn use.
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