Shit Flurries

I can only imagine the shit blizzard you’ve been subjected to after ragging
on Seth Watkins of San Francisco. Why anyone would rag on you, as opposed to
ragging on Mr. Watkins, is beyond me. I’m a 41-year-old straight woman. If I
could get it together after my divorce and learn how to use a goddamned condom
after 15 years of monogamy, then certainly Mr. Watkins can do the same. Christ!

Glenda

To be honest, Glenda, the anticipated shit blizzard failed to materialize. Oh,
I’ve received a ton of e-mail from people about Seth “Twilightchild” Watkins,
the HIV-positive HIV prevention educator who sometimes makes “mistakes,” but
almost all of the mail has been, uh, positive. Like this one

“You’re a Moron, Mr. Watkins” was absolutely fantastic! You pretty much nailed
exactly how I feel about Mr. Watkins and his ilk. Keep up the fabulous work

Mark

and these

THANK YOU THANK YOU. You’ve restored my sagging confidence in my fellow gay
men.

Blayne in Philly

How about publicizing the name of the organization Seth Watkins works for,
so that next time they hit someone up for cash donations, people aren’t so ready
to open their checkbooks?
Tom & Erik

Believe it or not, Mr. Watkins works for the AIDS office at the San Francisco
Department of Public Health. While SF taxpayers can’t avoid making donations
to their public health department, they can share their thoughts on HIV prevention
by calling the SF Department of Public Health at (415) 554-9000.

While the expected shit blizzard didn’t materialize, we did get some shit
flurries here at Savage Love. Like this one

Could it be that your rant against Seth Watkins is intended more to promote
your own notoriety than to save lives? Throughout the AIDS epidemic, fear-based
prevention messages have only been partially effective. They fail to address
the complex underlying factors that make people vulnerable to HIV. To understand
what makes gay men vulnerable to the HIV infection requires a better awareness
of factors that contribute to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
well-being. Self-righteousness does very little to prevent HIV infection.

Glen Hillson
British Columbia Persons With AIDS Society

When anyone objects to irresponsible HIV-positive gay men infecting other
gay men, the AIDS organizations and professional HIV-positive homos out there
always wanna change the subject. We can’t talk about the idiotic behavior of
some HIV-positive guys, they insist, until after we address all the complex
underlying factors that make men vulnerable to HIV infection, like depression,
loneliness, low self-esteem, safe-sex fatigue.

With all due respect, Glen, fuck your complex underlying factors–and don’t
change the subject. I wanna talk about gay men who infect other gay men with
HIV. Like a lot of HIV-positive guys, you would no doubt prefer to discuss HIV-negative
gay men who take foolish risks (“To understand what makes gay men vulnerable
to HIV infection”). And why wouldn’t you? Changing the subject to stupid negative
guys is a good way to get irresponsible HIV-positive guys off the hook. But
not this week.

If it’s any comfort, Glen, all the HIV prevention educators in North America
seem to be in agreement with you. They’re not blaming, they’re not shaming–and
it’s not working. HIV infection rates among gay men continue to rise despite
the millions of dollars spent every year on blame- and shame-free HIV prevention
campaigns. I’m not advocating fear-based prevention campaigns, Glen, but truth-based
campaigns: HIV-negative guys who take stupid risks and get themselves infected
have only themselves to blame; HIV-positive guys who infect other gay men ought
to be ashamed of themselves.

You know, everyone in the advice biz kicks the crap out of straight guys who
say, “Hey, if she lets me fuck her without protection and I get her pregnant,
well, that’s her problem.” From Ann Landers to the lowliest high-school guidance
counselor, we advice-givers are always telling young straight girls that these
guys are users and losers and assholes. We order women not to sleep with them,
and we tell these men that they’re assholes.

Color me self-righteous, but I don’t see much difference between some straight
asshole who doesn’t care how many girls he knocks up and some HIV-positive gay
asshole who doesn’t care how many guys he infects. HIV-positive gay men who
say, “Hey, if he lets me fuck him and I infect him, well, that’s his problem”
are users and losers and assholes too, and it’s time for responsible gay men
to start calling these assholes on their shit.

I’m sick of listening to gay men’s rationalizations and excuses–excuse me,
I should say I’m sick of listening to gay men discuss their “complex underlying
factors.” Confront an irresponsible HIV-positive guy about his bad behavior
and he whines about his depression and his low self-esteem and his loneliness
and his safe-sex fatigue. Well, guess what, guys? Your sob stories do not give
you the right to infect other guys with HIV. And if you do, your sob stories
aren’t going to stop me from pointing out what assholes you are. A depressed,
lonely asshole with low self-esteem and safe-sex fatigue is still an asshole.

And can we talk about safe-sex fatigue for a second? That pathetic excuse
is really getting on my nerves. Yes, gay men are going to have to worry about
HIV for the rest of their lives. Yes, gay men are going to have to continue
using condoms with casual sex partners forever and ever and ever. Boo hoo hoo.
Straight people have had to worry about pregnancy since the dawn of time, and
you don’t hear them whining about “birth-control fatigue.” Smart, sexually active
straight people take a few reasonable precautions until they get a good thing
going with someone regular and reliable, and then they throw away their condoms.

So lifelong condom usage during casual and/or anonymous sexual encounters
is not some horrible burden that gay men alone have to bear. It’s a fact of
life for all responsible sexually active adults, gay and straight. And even
after there’s a vaccine against HIV or a cure for AIDS, smart people will continue
to use condoms with their casual or brand-new sex partners, to protect themselves
from all the other bugs out there, known and unknown.

Finally, Glen, I’m not trying to save any lives. HIV infection is no longer
a death sentence in North America, so preventing new infections among urban
gay men isn’t really about saving lives, is it? And if I wanted to “promote
[my] own notoriety,” I wouldn’t bore my mostly straight readership to death
with these long, involved debates about gay male stupidity, would I? I’d stick
to fart jokes.

letters@savagelove.net