"HEY! You missed a spot."

Ahem. ATTENTION ALL MERCURY EMPLOYEES: According to SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH as reported by the Daily Mail:

An hour of pushing a mop across the floor and wringing it out in a bucket works off 238 calories, the equivalent of a chocolate bar or two small glasses of wine.

The mop and bucket are in the supply closet, fatty. And pay special attention to my personal bathroom—there’s a lot of urine splatter on the floor.

HEY! You missed a spot.

  • “HEY! You missed a spot.”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

5 replies on “Dear <i>Mercury</i> Employees: If You Have Time to Mope, You Have Time to Mop”

  1. @Abusive: Yeah, if I ever have to listen to WSH in some sleazy bar again going on and on about how much better interns were at swallowing “back in the day” … god what a bore!

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