Of course, nothing this interesting ever happens when I’m shopping at this New Seasons. But earlier today, cops report, a bunch of shoppers at the store up on North Interstate got an eyeful when a naked lady was spotted tied up—with her mouth duct-taped shut—in the back of a Subaru pulling out of the store’s parking lot.
WTF, you might ask? No worries. It was just a couple of goo-goo-eyed lovebirds playing a harmless lover’s game. You know. Valentine’s Day and shit. And maybe Jackass.
But that didn’t stop the law from sending out the cavalry just in case.
Today, Tuesday February 14, 2012, at 12:35 p.m., Portland Police officers from North Precinct responded to the New Seasons Market on North Interstate Avenue after the report of a vehicle seen leaving the parking lot with a naked female tied up in the back with duct tape over her mouth.
Officers flooded the area to look for the car, described as a blue Subaru Legacy. Washington law enforcement was also alerted to the vehicle description in case the car got onto I-5 North.
A witness told officers that the driver of the car was a white male in his 20s, with a goatee and sunglasses and that the female “seemed hazy.” The witness told police that the male stated they “were just having some fun.”
The witness provided the license plate to police and officers checked the registered owner’s address, which is in the 4300 block of Northeast 11th Avenue. Not finding the vehicle there but learning that the registered owner does live there and does drive a blue Subaru Legacy, officers continued to check the area, concerned for the welfare of the bound and naked female.
At 12:56 p.m., the vehicle was spotted by an officer returning to the registered owner’s address. An officer made contact with a male walking away from the car and noticed a bound and naked female in the back of the car.
The male, 31-year-old Nikolas Alexander Harbar, told officers that he and his girlfriend, 26-year-old Stephanie Morgan Pelzner, were doing some Valentine’s Day role playing. Officers confirmed the information with Pelzner and that she was voluntarily bound and nude in the back of the Subaru.
At least nine Portland Police cars were tied up for approximately 20 minutes searching for the vehicle related to this call.
Was there a happy ending? Not quite. Because letting everyone go with a warning would have been the equivalent of legal blue balls, Harbar and Pelzer were booked into county jail on a pair of disorderly conduct charges.
Bullshit? TO THE POLLS!
Just saying, “kinky sex play” is exactly the excuse that got one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims returned to him. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Dahme… )
So there is a precedent for “better safe than sorry”, I suppose.
(There’s not an addendum to Godwin’s law that applies to invoking Dahmer, is there?)
How flattering, they all thought he was in his 20’s. I have the same problem!
What did mayoral candidate and New Seasons co-founder Eileen Brady have to say about it?
Since I’ve been wrong about everything else I’ve said and done today, I’m going to say the opposite of what I feel:
The cops should continue overreacting, and those kids should stop playing their weird public sex games!
Clearly this is just one more attempt to throw dirt on Elaine Brady’s mayoral campaign!
Man, I really want to be a cop in Denisville:
“RingRingRing: Hi, I just robbed someone at gunpoint, now I’m standing on top of a parking garage with a gun being crazy.” Policy: no need for cops.
“RingRingRing: Hi, me and a bunch of witnesses just saw a car drive away with a naked woman in the back who had her mouth duct-taped shut.” Policy: no need for cops, just some normal public sex stuff.
Cops in Denisville get all the doughnuts they want.
All cops in Denisville would be Boat Cops, but Denisville would be landlocked.
the polls you posted are all wrong. the poll should be about whether these good folks should have gotten charged with anything, once the cops figured out that no crime had been committed.
Denis voted to Allow and Condemn, respectively, for the record. And no one but Denis gets all the doughnuts they want in Denisville.
Also in Denisville? The highest crime in all the land is a particular kind of vandalism: Spraypainting conspicuous tails on all the D’s on the various city signs.
Outside Whole Foods? Portland IS weird. I don’t think they should have been charged although this was’nt the smartest place for them do to this
Such showboating! Keep it simple, kids, no need to be so public about this stuff. A clothespin on the scrotum or labia is quiet and elegant, and doesn’t cause the public any alarm (unless you scream or happen to lose consciousness).
Well, I don’t think it should be illegal to do this kind of thing if you want, but it is pretty uncool to involve others. At first I thought no harm no foul, why the charge? But I can see that it really should be discouraged since it could likely upset people, at least as much as sleeping in public or open containers or something like that. I thnk the police should look into this kind of incedence, but unless it happens somewhat more often, I don’t think the use of police resources is of much importance.
I had some free time so I did a google search on the arrested. Nothing too shocking, except that the chick appeared in this music video that is going to give me nightmares tonight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-Ghf1Nhwo0
Thats Nick the Creature from Wanderlust Circus. That guy is a creep.
OH MY FRIGGEN GOD. These are my neighbors. We spent all day yesterday trying to figure out why cops were surrounding the neighborhood, searching their Subaru. I HATE LIVING NEXT TO THESE PEOPLE.
yo this shit made it to BBC Brasil!: http://www.bbc.co.uk/portuguese/noticias/2…