Like the acting and convoluted storylines of “porn,” but hate the “sex”? Then have I got a video for you! Check out the SFW opening scene of this porn movie, which involves a creepy professor, a Barbie doll from Hungary and two gigantic snakes: one in the tree, and one… well, you can probably guess. (Don’t worry, sex haters! The video stops right before we see snake #2!)

Tip o’ the hat to Defamer!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=F4pcY7GC4Ww%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)