I’m sure it comes as no surprise that many of you are emotionally stunted. (Yeah, I didn’t think I’d get much of an argument about that one.) And since many of you forgot to get valentines for your loved ones and co-workers, I’m once again riding to the rescue with some suggestions.
Drag any of following valentines on to your desktop, print them out, write some erotic poetry on the back, and deliver. IT’S THAT SIMPLE. (I’ve added some sample erotic poetry to each, just in case you’re artistically stunted as well. YOU’RE WELCOME.)
“BE MINE, GIRL!”
You know that I want you,
You know I’m no fool,
N*SYNC wants to skinny-dip,
So let’s jump in love’s pool.
You know I’m no fool,
N*SYNC wants to skinny-dip,
So let’s jump in love’s pool.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP!
“YOUR LOVE IS A SLAM DUNK”
My name is Michael Jordan
I’m in love with your junk
Now why don’t ya stop your hoardin’
And let me touch ya ba-dunk.
I’m in love with your junk
Now why don’t ya stop your hoardin’
And let me touch ya ba-dunk.
“LOVE IS A PIG”
You won’t get this joke
Unless you’re from the South
But I wanna get all Piggly-Wiggly
Up in your mouth.
Unless you’re from the South
But I wanna get all Piggly-Wiggly
Up in your mouth.
“GLAD WE’RE FRIENDS!”
I’m glad we’re friends
Which means “no sex at all”
But I’ll continue to tease
And give you blue ball.
Which means “no sex at all”
But I’ll continue to tease
And give you blue ball.
“YOU’RE SWEET ENOUGH TO EAT”
I want to eat you
And cook you in a pot
Did I mention I’m a cannibal?
I eat people a lot.
And cook you in a pot
Did I mention I’m a cannibal?
I eat people a lot.
This Valentine’s Day, my heart goes out to the memory of a sad, frustrated hack commercial artist, working for Mattel in the 1980s, crudely sketching and painting a woman in the likeness of a doll, in a classic pin-up pose, except for little children.
He adds the detail of a seductive little anklet, thinking perhaps of Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity, knowing he will die without ever knowing the touch of such a woman.
geyser for COTW.