Hi, Dan—I have such a bummer of a question, sorry. In my Tinder days, I used to love giving blowjobs—including when I met my now boyfriend. Towards the end of that period of my life, though, I was sexually assaulted in a manner that has led to me having really horrible gag reflex reactions whenever I go down now—I’m talking actual vomit essentially every time I try to suck the d now. This is doubly horrible because I want to be able to reciprocate oral, but I also find throwing up extremely upsetting in and of itself—it’s really painful for me, and I end up crying because of it probably 75% of the time. Do you have any idea what I can do?
Very Offensive Mess
First thing’s first, VOM, I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sucks and it blows and it especially sucks and blows that this stops you from sucking and blowing. I’m not a doctor, but it sounds like the sexual assault you survived left you with PTSD, and sex has become a trigger for you. It’s common for sex to become a trigger for survivors of sexual assault and rape. There are ways to work around (or even eliminate) these triggers, but it takes time, so patience is—as they say—a virtue.
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Wow Dan, of all the times you have recommended a sex therapist in your column you didn’t think that would be a good one to throw in here?